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A problem with equipment you use in your job explain the problem and say what you want

A problem with equipment you use in your job explain the problem and say what you want Mq7y6
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing with regard to a problem that i have with my personal computer which i bought it from your company two weeks ago. Let me explain the problem, I have bought this equipment to use in my job as I am an engineer and i almost use it in everything related to my work. When I purchased it, I saved all my job data and e-mails on it. But, unfortunately, when I came to open it today, It does not work. The switch on button does not give the red light at all even after I have tried to restart it several times. This causes me a big crisis with my job, especially, my manager, who is a very tough person. He asked me for some information which is saved on the computer and I didn't manage to send it for him. Consequently, he gets furious at me and i may lose my job. So, hopefully, would you help me solve the problem as soon as possible. I suggest sending the computer to your technical department to tackle this crisis without losing any information. I await your prompt response Yours faithfully, Madonna ehab
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing with regard to a problem that
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have with my personal computer which
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
it from your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
two weeks ago.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the problem, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
this equipment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in my job as I am an engineer and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in everything related to my work. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
it, I saved all my job data and e-mails on it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, unfortunately, when I came to open it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, It does not work.

The switch on button does not give the red light at all even after I have tried to restart it several times.

This causes me a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
crisis with my job,
especially
, my manager, who is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tough person. He asked me for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information which
is saved
on the computer and I didn't manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
it for him.
Consequently
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
furious at me and
Did you mean "I"?
i
may lose my job.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
hopefully
, would you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me solve the problem as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. I suggest sending the computer to your technical department to tackle this crisis without losing any information.

I await your prompt response

Yours
faithfully
,

Madonna
Possible spelling mistake found.
ehab
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IELTS letter A problem with equipment you use in your job explain the problem and say what you want

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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