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Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v.1

Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v. 1
It is no doubt true that the majority of people would like to be happy in their lives. While the personal nature of happiness makes it difficult to describe, there do seem to be some common needs that we all share with regard to experiencing or achieving happiness. Happiness is difficult to define because it means something different to each individual person. Nobody can fully understand or experience another person’s feelings, and we all have our own particular passions from which we take pleasure. Some people, for example, derive a sense of satisfaction from earning money or achieving success, whereas for others, health and family are much more important. At the same time, a range of other feelings, from excitement to peacefulness, may be associated with the idea of happiness, and the same person may therefore feel happy in a variety of different ways. Although it seems almost impossible to give a precise definition of happiness, most people would agree that there are some basic preconditions to achieving it. Firstly, it is hard for a person to be happy if he or she does not have a safe place to live and enough food to eat. Our basic survival needs must surely be met before we can lead a pleasant life. Secondly, the greatest joy in life is usually found in shared experiences with family and friends, and it is rare to find a person who is content to live in complete isolation. Other key factors could be individual freedom and a sense of purpose in life. In conclusion, happiness is difficult to define because it is particular to each individual, but I believe that our basic needs for shelter, food and company need to be fulfilled before we can experience it.
It is no doubt true that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would like to be happy in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While the personal nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
, there do seem to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
that we all share with regard to experiencing or achieving happiness.

Happiness is difficult to define
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it means something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to each individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. Nobody can
fully
understand or experience another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
feelings, and we all have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
particular passions from which we take pleasure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
for example
, derive a sense of satisfaction from earning money or achieving success, whereas for others, health and family are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. At the same time, a range of other feelings, from excitement to peacefulness, may
be associated
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, and the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
may
therefore
feel happy in a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.

Although it seems almost impossible to give a precise definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic preconditions to achieving it.
Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to be happy if he or she does not have a safe place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food to eat. Our basic survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
surely
be met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we can lead a pleasant life.
Secondly
, the greatest joy in life is
usually
found in shared experiences with family and friends, and it is rare to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is content to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in complete isolation. Other key factors could be individual freedom and a sense of purpose in life.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is difficult to define
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is particular to each individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that our basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
for shelter, food and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be fulfilled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we can experience it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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