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Your mentor recommended you to learn a new language and gave you contact details of a teacher. Following his advice, you need to write a letter to the teacher and say- What is your motivation to learn a new language? - How can the teacher help you? - When w v.1

Your mentor recommended you to learn a new language and gave you contact details of a teacher. Following his advice, you need to write a letter to the teacher and say- What is your motivation to learn a new language? - How can the teacher help you? - When w v. 1
The desire for foreign employment is leading to several people migrating abroad along with their families. While some believe that the younger members of the family would face immense hardships due to this sudden change, others opine that youngsters would in fact gain the most. This essay will discuss both views and argue in favour of foreign migration being most rewarding for the young. Children when shift abroad along with their parents faces the problem of cultural difference and thus makes it difficult in making friends. This is to say, youngsters when move to a new country with their parents, they experience new language and gestures used for communication as well as new values, ethics and culture, thus, not only making it difficult for them to adapt themselves in the new environment but also hampers their social interactions. As a result, they suffer from anxiety and stress, eventually affecting their mental and emotional development. To elucidate, a recent study by The Times on March 2019 showed that more than 80 percent of children encounter cultural shock which, affecting their personality development when moving to foreign countries with their parents. However, many disagree and believe that it is advantageous for children to settle abroad with their family as they will gain more confidence and maturity in handling situations. In other words, younger generations in new countries are given more exposure to the outside environment. They work in part-time jobs and learn to manage all their finances, avoiding unnecessary expenses. They become more independent and do not depend on their parents for any financial or emotional support. To conclude, a recent study in The New York Times showed that more than 60 percent of children when move to foreign nations with their families are more confident and financially mature. To conclude, even though children shifting to new countries face cultural change and difficulty in making friends, others still believe that children learn to become self-sufficient and confident and take proper monetary decisions without being a burden on their parents. In my opinion, I vehemently agree that shifting to a foreign country is very advantageous for children's overall personality development.
The desire for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
employment is leading to several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migrating abroad along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the younger members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would face immense hardships due to this sudden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, others opine that youngsters would in fact gain the most. This essay will discuss both views and argue in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
migration being most rewarding for the young.

Children when shift abroad along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
faces the problem of cultural difference and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult in making friends. This is to say, youngsters when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
language and gestures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for communication
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
values, ethics and culture,
thus
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
making it difficult for them to adapt themselves in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
hampers their social interactions.
As a result
, they suffer from anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
eventually
affecting their mental and emotional development. To elucidate, a recent study by The Times on March 2019
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
encounter cultural shock which, affecting their personality development when moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with their parents.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disagree and believe that it is advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to settle abroad with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as they will gain more confidence and maturity in handling situations.
In other words
, younger generations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more exposure to the outside environment. They work in part-time jobs and learn to manage all their finances, avoiding unnecessary expenses. They become more independent and do not depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for any financial or emotional support.
To conclude
, a recent study in The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
nations with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are more confident and
financially
mature.

To conclude
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
shifting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
face cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and difficulty in making friends, others
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to become self-sufficient and confident and take proper monetary decisions without being a burden on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In my opinion, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that shifting to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous for children's
overall
personality development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Your mentor recommended you to learn a new language and gave you contact details of a teacher. Following his advice, you need to write a letter to the teacher and say- What is your motivation to learn a new language? - How can the teacher help you? - When w v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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