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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your overall happiness than your social life does. Use reasons and examples to support you answer.

Your job has more effect on your overall happiness than your social life does. Use reasons and examples to support you answer. 15PWG
Without any shadow of a doubt, people are spending most of their time working, meaning that, in comparison with the past, they tend to have less free time to spend with others. In this regard, some people believe that social life makes a person happier than its job's circumstances, while others, including me, think otherwise. Reasons to support this idea are manifold, nonetheless, two of which are elaborated upon in detail hereunder. First and foremost, nothing but having a high level of spirit can guarantee one's being happy. Working in a situation contradicting people's spirits can have a detrimental influence on people's lives. Therefore, if people's jobs do not match their spirits, it can be said that they hardly can be happy. Besides, behaviors of people's colleagues will affect their spirits as well. For example, if they have some argument with their boss, they might feel upset about the condition in which they are, and therefore because it might be hard for them to leave their job, its effects may influence on their spirits. On the other hand, people in their social lives can easier change their situations. For example, they can change their friends as well as their houses if they no longer want to stay near these neighbors. Moreover, spending a great amount of their time, working, people may become under squeeze of all works tensions as well as works stresses in their either minds or bodies. Besides, if any individual has an interesting job, which provides an exciting condition for him or her, even if it needs a longer time, will have a better impact on people's happiness. I have experienced this feeling, working in an engineering office. The money paid was so meager that my father told me to give up the work, but being the work fantastic, I have hardly stopped working there. In contrast, although social life tends to have some effects on people's being happy, inasmuch as people tend to have not enough time to spend on their social lives, its benefits are not that visible, meaning that its influence on people's lives seems to be overshadowed. To sum up, with all taken into account, I do believe that people's jobs will have a more influence on their happiness as far as its impact on their spirits and spending a great deal of time on their works are concerned.
Without any shadow of a doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, meaning that,
in comparison
with the past, they tend to have less free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with others. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person happier than its job's circumstances, while others, including me,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. Reasons to support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
are manifold, nonetheless, two of which
are elaborated
upon in detail hereunder.

First
and foremost, nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
having a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spirit
can guarantee one's being happy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
in a situation contradicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
spirits can have a detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
do not match their spirits, it can
be said
that they hardly can be happy.
Besides
, behaviors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
colleagues will affect their spirits
as well
.
For example
, if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argument with their boss, they might feel upset about the condition in which they are, and
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, its effects may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on their spirits.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
can easier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their situations.
For example
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their friends
as well
as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
if they no longer want to stay near these neighbors.

Moreover
, spending a great amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may become under squeeze of all works tensions
as well
as works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
in their either minds or bodies.
Besides
, if any individual has an interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, which provides an exciting condition for him or her, even if it needs a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, will have a better impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
happiness. I have experienced this feeling,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in an engineering office. The money paid was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
meager that my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me to give up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
fantastic, I have hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
there.
In contrast
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life tends to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
being happy, inasmuch as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, its benefits are not that visible, meaning that its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
seems to
be overshadowed
.

To sum up, with all taken into account, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will have a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on their happiness as far as its impact on their spirits and spending a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their works
are concerned
.
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IELTS essay Your job has more effect on your overall happiness than your social life does. Use reasons and examples to support you answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
396 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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