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it is important to know event all over the world, even if it is unlikely affect your life?

it is important to know event all over the world, even if it is unlikely affect your life? xmbRw
This topic asked whether or not knowing regarding events happening around the world is important, even that does not affect my daily life. Certainly, some people if asked would agree with statement due to quite crucial to keep up with glob, while others would mention that question depends on a great deal of factors, for example, someone may hold the view that waste of time to know other issues over the world compared to previous notion. As far as I am concerned, I adopt a firm position that it is momentous to learn what is going on all over the globe. First reason coming to mind substantiating my stand point is concerned with this issue is that economy which has multi national effect for each country on this planet. A small change, jolt in economy might lead to catastrophic outcomes. The best example that fit this notion is the FED. At time of stating new monthly interest rates play such an important role in budget, employment, producing rate of countries. I can still recall that last year when the interest rates were about stated by fed on July, a plethora of people at the exchange office, were waiting to invest based on rate decision in order to maintain their value of money. It goes without saying that, obtaining sort of information, news or events from one end to the other end of the world is need in many respects. Another crucial factor which deserves some reason here is that contagious diseases that might be spread to all continentals. It is important to know that demands of human beings have been increasing as well as incessant producing in today's world give rise to unwanted some events such as diseases. Above all, under any contagious illness, we must act all together to impede and cease the disease but so that we always have to know things going on over the world. A vivid example can be give to shed light on the subject is my own experience. When I learned proliferation of the swine flu in the United States 3 years ago, none of my friends had even no idea what it meant. I prepared my self, strengthen my immunity system by taking medicine and precautions in advance. Eventually, when swine flu reported in my country, I was already the facts so it did not affects routine of my life much. Without a shadow of doubt, I managed all of this precaution by knowing news that were going on the world. Having considered all the aforementioned grounds into account that we concurred that knowing and being updated with events and news are critically vital as well as beneficial for all individuals regardless of sex and age. Thus, I am of the opinion that gaining as much as information with regard to events on the earth can offer much higher return for human beings.
This topic asked
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
knowing regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
happening around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, even that does not affect my daily life.
Certainly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
if asked would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with statement due to quite crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with glob, while others would mention that question depends on a great deal of factors,
for example
, someone may hold the view that waste of time to know other issues over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
compared to previous notion. As far as I
am concerned
, I adopt a firm position that it is momentous to learn what is going on all over the globe.

First
reason coming to mind substantiating my stand point
is concerned
with this issue is that economy which has
This word is normally spelled as one.
multi national
effect for each country on this planet. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, jolt in economy might lead to catastrophic outcomes. The best example that fit this notion is the FED. At time of stating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
monthly interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
play such an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in budget, employment, producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of countries. I can
still
recall that last year when the interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
were about stated by fed on July, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the exchange office, were waiting to invest based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
decision in order to maintain their value of money. It goes without saying that, obtaining sort of information,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
from one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is need
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
respects.

Another crucial factor which deserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason here is that contagious diseases that might
be spread
to all continentals. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know that demands of human beings have been increasing
as well
as incessant producing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
give rise to unwanted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as diseases.
Above all
, under any contagious illness, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
act all together to impede and cease the disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know things going on over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. A vivid example can be give to shed light on the subject is my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience. When I learned proliferation of the swine flu in the United States 3 years ago, none of my friends had even no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
what it meant. I prepared my self, strengthen my immunity system by taking medicine and precautions in advance.
Eventually
, when swine flu reported in my country, I was already the facts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "affect"
affects
routine of my life much. Without a shadow of doubt, I managed all of this precaution by knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
that were going on the world.

Having considered all the aforementioned grounds into account that we concurred that knowing and
being updated
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are
critically
vital
as well
as beneficial for all individuals regardless of sex and age.
Thus
, I am of the opinion that gaining as much as information with regard to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
on the earth can offer much higher return for human beings.
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IELTS essay it is important to know event all over the world, even if it is unlikely affect your life?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
481 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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