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Some people think that these days' students are more engaged political conditions than in the past, while others think otherwise. Do you agree or not? explain why.

Some people think that these days' students are more engaged political conditions than in the past, while others think otherwise. Do you agree or not? explain why. 56NlQ
No one can cast a shadow of a doubt on the fact that political conditions affect individual's life. In this regard, some people think that students' engagement with the political arguments is not more than the past. Others, as well as I, think otherwise and believe that students are getting more engaged political activities than before. Reasons for supporting this idea are manifold, however, two of which are stated in detail hereunder. To begin with, students have understood that they are the ones that should create their future. This is, in fact, because political decisions will directly influence on students' lives, so, the majority of students as adults who will manage the future of their society care about decisions. Besides, these days' students, unlike before, have more potential to defend their right which is as a result of the increase in their knowledge about some legal rights. This means that they have understood that they would better to know their political circumstances in order to live a happy life. In contrast, in that students were boycotted by adults in the past—because they were ignored as members of a society that can talk about what they want—they could not participate in the political arguments. Moreover, in comparison to the past, some external effects are caused students to care about political concepts. One effect is the innovation of the internet which has a major effect on increasing students' knowledge about everything and their society political situation in particular. The presence of Facebook, as well as Twitter, is so undeniable that no one can disregard their being motivators for some intellectual revolution. By using these media, political parties can be said that exploit students' minds in order to inculcate students in a way in which they want. As a consequence, students are motivated by these parties, so, they will engage political activities. The difference between social strata is another external effect which tends to provoke students emotion to follow the parties' that give them a better life. In the past, on the other hand, because students were expected to just study their lessons and their future work was in many cases determined by their fathers, the effect of external effects was not that sensible. To sum up, with all taken into account, I do believe that students more follow the political news and are more engaged these topics than before as far as the increase of their care about their future and the influence of some external effects is concerned. I hope one day parties do not take students for granted and by making logical decisions let students so that they study their lessons and become less engaged political situations.
No one can cast a shadow of a doubt on the fact that political conditions affect individual's life. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students'
engagement with the political arguments is not more than the past. Others,
as well
as I,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are getting more engaged political activities than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Reasons for supporting this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
are manifold,
however
, two of which
are stated
in detail hereunder.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have understood that they are the ones that should create their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. This is, in fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
political decisions will
directly
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as adults who will manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of their society care about decisions.
Besides
, these days'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, have more potential to defend their right which is
as a result
of the increase in their knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
legal rights. This means that they have understood that they would better to know their political circumstances in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life.
In contrast
, in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were boycotted
by adults in the past—
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
as members of a society that can talk about what they want—they could not participate in the political arguments.

Moreover
,
in comparison
to the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
effects
are caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to care about political concepts. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
is the innovation of the internet which has a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students'
knowledge about everything and their society political situation
in particular
. The presence of Facebook,
as well
as Twitter, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
undeniable that no one can disregard their being motivators for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
intellectual revolution. By using these media, political parties can
be said
that exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students'
minds in order to inculcate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a way in which they want. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are motivated
by these parties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they will engage political activities. The difference between social strata is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
which tends to provoke
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
emotion to follow the parties' that give them a better life. In the past,
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
study their lessons and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
work was in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases determined by their fathers, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
effects was not that sensible.

To sum up, with all taken into account, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more follow the political news and are more engaged these topics than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
as far as the increase of their care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and the influence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
external
effects
is concerned
. I hope
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "one-day"
one day
parties do not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for granted and by making logical decisions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they study their lessons and become less engaged political situations.
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IELTS essay Some people think that these days' students are more engaged political conditions than in the past, while others think otherwise. Do you agree or not? explain why.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
447 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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