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Your friend wants to lose weight by the beginning of the summer season. What advice would you give your friend who wants to shed some unwanted pounds? v.1

Your friend wants to lose weight by the beginning of the summer season. What advice would you give your friend who wants to shed some unwanted pounds? v. 1
Having an amazing friends circle is very much essential in everyone's life. Some individuals have the opinion that it is good to be with those people whose opinions always match with theirs. However, remaining have the notion that it is best to make friendship with those people who occasionally disagree with them. This essay will discuss both these views in detail. It is the human tendency to spend time with like minded groups. This is not just because they feel respected for their views and ideology about living, but also they can express their feelings to one another without being judged. For an example, a survey conducted by a news channel reported that 2 individuals develop greater bonds if there is 100 percentage match in thoughts that they share about day-to-day news. Because of these reasons, a person wants to find an another companion who sees life exactly as he does. Friends understand as well as correct each other's mistake. Firstly, when they share their views and debate on the same, chances of increasing their knowledge on areas which is not known to them drastically increases. Secondly, this will make them realise that it is not necessary to win an argument, but to learn from others suggestion and implement them in their life which might do wonders in building their future. To exemplify, me and my roommate share different ideas about sports and politics, but still come to a better conclusion at the end of each discussion. Admittedly, having friends, who are honest in sharing their opinion against our's is advantageous. Friendship is always about sharing and listening to different ideas. To conclude, even though we like our opinions to be valued without being questioned, I have a personal opinion that it is better to be with those friends who challenge our opinions and help to enhance our knowledge.
Having an amazing friends circle is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much essential in everyone's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to be with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
always match with theirs.
However
, remaining have the notion that it is best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friendship with those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
occasionally
disagree with them. This essay will discuss both these views in detail.

It is the human tendency to spend time with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
like minded
groups. This is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel respected for their views and ideology about living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can express their feelings to one another without
being judged
. For an example, a survey conducted by a news channel reported that 2 individuals develop greater bonds if there is 100 percentage match in thoughts that they share about day-to-day news.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these reasons, a person wants to find
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a companion" or "another companion".
an another companion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
life exactly as he does.

Friends understand
as well
as correct each other's mistake.
Firstly
, when they share their views and debate on the same, chances of increasing their knowledge on areas which is not known to them
drastically
increases.
Secondly
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that it is not necessary to win an argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to learn from others suggestion and implement them in their life which might do wonders in building their future. To exemplify, me and my roommate share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about sports and politics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a better conclusion at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of each discussion.
Admittedly
, having friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are honest in sharing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
against
Did you mean "our" or "ours"?
our's
is advantageous.

Friendship is always about sharing and listening to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
To conclude
,
even though
we like our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
to
be valued
without
being questioned
, I have a personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that it is better to be with those friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
challenge our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to enhance our knowledge.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Your friend wants to lose weight by the beginning of the summer season. What advice would you give your friend who wants to shed some unwanted pounds? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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