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Your friend is about to celebrate a landmark birthday and would welcome suggestions as to how is should be celebrated. Write a letter to your friend. Say what type of party should be held e. g themed, fancy dress, black tie eventSuggest a suitable venueMake re v.1

Your friend is about to celebrate a landmark birthday and would welcome suggestions as to how is should be celebrated. Write a letter to your friend. Say what type of party should be held e. g themed, fancy dress, black tie eventSuggest a suitable venueMake re v. 1
Children are fond of toys. As a result, parents these days spend hefty amount of money for bringing toys for their children. There are various advantages of buying toys for children. However, there are disadvantages as well, which cannot be overlooked. This essay will discuss both the sides. On the brighter side, toys are considered to be the best way of enhancing the skills of the adolescents. In this technological era, the toys become so smart that they can help the children to develop strong analytical and logical skills. For instance, toys like block building, puzzle solving and a lot more help strengthening the mental thinking of the children. In addition to this, nowadays there are many families which have only one child, a baby can make relationships with the toys like his sibling and friends to feel less lonely. Thus, it is advantageous for the children to have a plethora of toys. On the darker side, having number of toys will make children unhealthy. More toys will consume more time of the children. Thus, they will lack in the physical activity which results in causing noxious diseases like obesity. For example, a study by child health care department of Oxford university has proved that children spending a lot of time on video games and playing with toys become overweight and prone to many diseases. Furthermore, the large number of toys can make the young ones addicted to them, which results in limiting their social interaction with society and with their peers. In fact, they become self-centred and selfish. Due to all these reasons, a wide variety of toys will be a threat to the child holistic development. In conclusion, I assert that although there are numerous benefits of having a wide range of toys for the children, their excessive use can be detrimental.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
As a result
, parents these days spend hefty amount of money for bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are various advantages of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, there are disadvantages
as well
, which cannot
be overlooked
. This essay will discuss both the sides.

On the brighter side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are considered
to be the best way of enhancing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the adolescents. In this technological era, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
smart that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop strong analytical and logical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
like block building, puzzle solving and a lot more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to strengthen" or "strengthen".
strengthening
the mental thinking of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
to this, nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one child, a baby can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relationships with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
like his sibling and friends to feel less lonely.
Thus
, it is advantageous for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a plethora of toys.

On the darker side, having number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unhealthy. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
will consume more time of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, they will lack in the physical activity which results in causing noxious diseases like obesity.
For example
, a study by child health care department of Oxford university has proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on video games and playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
become overweight and prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.
Furthermore
, the large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the young ones addicted to them, which results in limiting their social interaction with society and with their peers. In fact, they become
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
and selfish. Due to all these reasons, a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
will be a threat to the child holistic development.

In conclusion
, I assert that although there are numerous benefits of having a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, their excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can be detrimental.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friend is about to celebrate a landmark birthday and would welcome suggestions as to how is should be celebrated. Write a letter to your friend. Say what type of party should be held e. g themed, fancy dress, black tie eventSuggest a suitable venueMake re v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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