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Your Family intentions towards your future.

Your Family intentions towards your future. 8JpgP
Well, I think family is a most beautiful bond in the world where we can share our all life joys, happiness, and all we have achieved. Every parents want that their children have a bright future, he must educated he must have some guts, manners and most of all he must have a bright future so my parent's and my family members also think same about my future. Any couple of years ago when I was a child, my parents and me aimed that I have to become a doctor in my future and I also work for it. But after completion of my higher education in medical I was appeared for the test of mdcat national and took that test but I could not make it due to some financial issues issues and some other reasons. Then I have divert my intention towards mathematics and took admission in BSC double math physics after that I have completed my Masters in mathematics from University of kotli Azad Kashmir. Now my parents are asking me to to go abroad for further education. For that purpose I am applying for Masters in project management again from a renowed University B. P. P located in London UK. This is a top ranking University and have good reputation around the globe. After completion of my Masters in project management, my parents and my family members are wished that I will be come back to my country and applying for a a post of manager in project management in a public sector. I also have same plane that after completion of my degree I will be back to my Homeland and will apply for a job of manager in public sector because in a public sector there is a handsome salary and some allowances which make our life comfortable and also public sector job holder have a good reputation in society. But to get admission in B. P. P university, have some prerequisites that we must have pass English proficiency test so that's why I'm appearing here in front of you.
Well, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
family is a most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
bond in the world where we can share our all life joys, happiness, and all we have achieved.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
want that their children have a bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
educated he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
guts, manners and most of all he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my parent's and my family members
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
same about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Any couple of years ago when I was a child, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and me aimed that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
become a doctor in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and I
also
work for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after completion of my higher education in medical I
was appeared
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mdcat
national and took that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial
Possible typo: you repeated a word
issues issues
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other reasons. Then I have
Use past participle here: "diverted".
divert
my intention towards mathematics and took admission in BSC double math physics after that I have completed my Masters in mathematics from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
kotli
Possible spelling mistake found.
Azad
Kashmir.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are asking me
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
go abroad for
further
education. For that purpose I am applying for Masters in project management again from a
Possible spelling mistake found.
renowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
B. P. P located in London UK. This is a top ranking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reputation around the globe. After completion of my Masters in project management, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and my family members
are wished
that I will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to my country and applying for
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "a" is left.
a a
post of manager in project management in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. I
also
have same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
that after completion of my degree I will be back to my Homeland and will apply for a job of manager in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
there is a handsome salary and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
allowances which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life comfortable and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
job holder have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reputation in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in B. P. P
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prerequisites that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have pass English proficiency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that's why I'
The verb 'appearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
m appearing
here in front of you.
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IELTS essay Your Family intentions towards your future.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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