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Young people these days are more interested in improving the way they look than in developing their social skills. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could be taken to solve/reduce it?

Young people these days are more interested in improving the way they look than in developing their social skills. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could be taken to solve/reduce it? jbOX8
Nowadays, young people are far more likely to be fascinated more by enhancing their appearance that negatively affects their sociability. I will outline both the possible causes of and solutions to this problem. Initially, due to development of the Internet, people spend much more time communicating with each other online. This was aggravated by the fact that because of COVID-19, many began to spend even more time on gadgets. Consequently, people try to look more attractive on camera using makeup, filters, masks from apps which suggest users to improve the skin, correct facial features. People get used to the fact that they and the people on the other side of the screen look good. Therefore, they do not pay attention to more important factors. Another reason is that now the phrase "good clothes open all doors" has become more relevant than ever. This is facilitated by social networks, where famous people look flawlessly. It makes their fans strive for their style rather than their abilities and skills. Parents and relatives should explain to young people that the way they look should be pleasant and tidy. Adolescent should not blindly follow fashion, because it is much more vital to be able to contact people, find the right words to make new friends. Secondly, if a person is in a comfortable environment, then person forgets about how he/her looks. He/her interested in the process of learning, playing, chatting. So, more hobby clubs need to be created to allow everybody improve their communication skills. It is true that the ability to communicate among young people fades into the background, while their appearance becomes a paramount task. The main thing is that relatives and friends inform young people that appearance is not the main thing in their lives.
Nowadays,
young
people
are far more likely to
be fascinated
more by enhancing their appearance that
negatively
affects their sociability. I will outline both the possible causes of and solutions to this problem.

Initially
, due to development of the Internet,
people
spend much more time communicating with each other online. This
was aggravated
by the fact that
because
of COVID-19,
many
began to spend even more time on gadgets.
Consequently
,
people
try to
look
more attractive on camera using makeup, filters, masks from apps which suggest users to
improve
the skin, correct facial features.
People
get
used
to the fact that they and the
people
on the other side of the screen
look
good
.
Therefore
, they do not pay attention to more
important
factors. Another reason is that
now
the phrase
"
good
clothes open all doors
"
has become more relevant than ever. This
is facilitated
by social networks, where
famous
people
look
flawlessly
. It
makes
their fans strive for their style
rather
than their abilities and
skills
.

Parents and relatives should
explain
to
young
people
that the way they
look
should be pleasant and tidy. Adolescent should not
blindly
follow fashion,
because
it is much more vital to be able to contact
people
, find the right words to
make
new friends.
Secondly
, if a person is in a comfortable environment, then person forgets about how he/her
looks
. He/her interested in the process of learning, playing, chatting.
So
, more hobby clubs need to
be created
to
allow
everybody
improve
their communication
skills
.

It is true that the ability to communicate among
young
people
fades
into the background, while their appearance becomes a paramount task. The main thing is that relatives and friends inform
young
people
that appearance is not the main thing in their
lives
.
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IELTS essay Young people these days are more interested in improving the way they look than in developing their social skills. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could be taken to solve/reduce it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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