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Young people prefer listening to music rather than listening to the news on the radio. Is this a positive or negative development?

Young people prefer listening to music rather than listening to the news on the radio. Is this a positive or negative development? bO0VY
Young people prefer listening to music rather than listening to the news on the radio. Is this a positive or negative development? It is true that some youths choose to listen to songs rather than listening to news on the wireless. Although I acknowledge a negative side of this trend, I believe that, overall, this is a positive development. With respect to the downside of listening to radio programs normally include both music and news. To be informed about the latest happenings around the world is a must since this could affect us in one way or another. Young people from different walks of life should embrace listening to the news as well as enjoying music when studying or relaxing as this should motivate young people to get involved with issues raised daily in the news. Apparently, other negatives exist as well, but I doubt that they are as significant as this one. As for the positives of the trend, first and foremost, being a music lover can also be beneficial. Listening to music can help one relax and can receive stress that can affect even the youngest minds. Music can cause relaxing stimuli that can encourage normal breathing patterns and assist in concentration. Furthermore, listening to calming melodies can also aid in batting depression, mostly in young adults for they can relate to song lyrics that can inspire them to win the battle of downheartedness. On the basis of points mentioned above, it can be concluded that adults prefer listening to music rather than listening to the news is a more positive development than negative. Due to the benefits it entails we can turn a blind eye to the only drawback of it. (261 words)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
rather
than listening to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the radio. Is this a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development?

It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youths choose to listen to songs
rather
than listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the wireless. Although I acknowledge a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
side of this trend, I believe that,
overall
, this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development. With respect to the downside of listening to radio programs
normally
include both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. To
be informed
about the latest happenings around the world is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
since this could affect us in one way or another.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
walks of life should embrace listening to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
as well
as enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when studying or relaxing as this should motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved with issues raised daily in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
Apparently
, other negatives exist
as well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I doubt that they are as significant as this one. As for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positives
of the trend,
first
and foremost, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
lover can
also
be beneficial. Listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
one relax and can receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that can affect even the youngest minds.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
can cause relaxing stimuli that can encourage normal breathing patterns and assist in concentration.
Furthermore
, listening to calming melodies can
also
aid in batting depression,
mostly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults for they can relate to song lyrics that can inspire them to win the battle of downheartedness. On the basis of points mentioned above, it can
be concluded
that adults prefer listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
rather
than listening to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
. Due to the benefits it entails we can turn a blind eye to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
drawback of it. (261 words)
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IELTS essay Young people prefer listening to music rather than listening to the news on the radio. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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