Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. Do you agree or disagree?

Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking. pL389
Young people look up to celebrities and can be easily influenced by them. Because of this, some people believe that there should be restrictions on what celebrities can advertise, or on how they behave. In my view, this seems a little unreasonable. It is true that celebrities have a lot of influence. Brands pay them large sums of money to use their products in the knowledge that this will increase sales. These companies know that young people in particular want to copy their heroes. However, not all of these businesses offer healthy choices. Thus, famous people also sometimes promote less desirable behaviour. As a society, we need young people to follow good role models, and so celebrities need to understand that accepting money from advertising means that they are acting in this capacity. Therefore, the famous need to be aware of their role in society and make good choices based on this. Nevertheless, the proposal to restrict celebrities in some way may go too far. While they should behave responsibly when in the public eye, they should also be allowed the freedom to make their own decisions. Furthermore, if we believe that young people will always copy the behaviour of others, even when this is unwise, that indicates a different problem: the need for young people to learn how to think for themselves. Thus, rather than asking celebrities to change their lifestyle, we should teach the young to take responsibility for their life choices In conclusion, I can only partly agree with this view. Although celebrities should not promote unhealthy behaviour, I believe they have the right to choose for themselves how they earn money or spend their free time. It is far more important to teach young people to show their own good Judgment than to limit the freedom of others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and can be
easily
influenced by them.
Because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there should be restrictions on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can advertise, or on how they behave. In my view, this seems a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
unreasonable.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
influence. Brands pay them large sums of money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their products in the knowledge that this will increase sales. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in particular
want to copy their heroes.
However
, not all of these businesses offer healthy choices.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
promote less desirable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. As a society, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role models, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to understand that accepting money from advertising means that they are acting in this capacity.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be aware of their role in society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choices based on this.

Nevertheless
, the proposal to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way may go too far. While they should behave
responsibly
when in the public eye, they should
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.
Furthermore
, if we believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will always copy the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of others, even when this is unwise, that indicates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problem: the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for themselves.
Thus
,
rather
than asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle, we should teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to take responsibility for their life choices

In conclusion
, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
should not promote unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, I believe they have the right to choose for themselves how they earn money or spend their free time. It is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Judgment than to limit the freedom of others.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Young people often copy the behaviour of famous people, so celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink and should not encourage unhealthy habits such as smoking.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts