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Young people now spending more and more time and money following fashion trends. Is this a positive or negative development?

Young people now spending more and more time and money following fashion trends. Is this a positive or negative development? 7rMKX
These day, with the development of the fashion industry, many young people spend a lot of time and money on fashion trend. This issue is being debated by many people and receiving a great attention. From my point of view, catching on the trend of young people is negative problem but can’t deny that it also has some significant benefits. Firstly, the most nocticeable one is its adverse effects on juvenile minds. Instead of using money in order to buy books or anything, the youth spend it on keeping up with the latest fashion trends. With many astronomical clothes from luxury labels, teenagers have to pay a large amount of money and this problem puts financial strain because the majority of young people now is financial dependent from their family. Secondly, the youth catch on trend but most of them aren’t aware of wearing clothes which aren’t suitable for their age, may be harm young people’s pictures. There is a fact that some people from being worn luxury items are judgmental about other people’s fashion sense. With regard to the positives, teenagers always want to make great first impression when they make friends with others so updating and buying the latest trend is an important tool. The youth will feel a greater sense of confidence and more fashionable. Moreover, they need to satisfy a requirement for novelty and it make the national economy will be boosted. In general, fashion is an important part of society because it pass our message across. However young people should not use so much time and money on catch up with trend and wear clothes look good in.
Did you mean "this day" or "These days"?
These day
, with the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
. This issue is
being debated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and receiving a great attention. From my point of view, catching on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can’t deny that it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant benefits.

Firstly
, the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
nocticeable
one is its adverse effects on juvenile minds.
Instead
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
books or anything, the youth spend it on keeping up with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
astronomical clothes from luxury labels,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and this problem puts financial strain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is financial dependent from their family.
Secondly
, the youth catch on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of them aren’t aware of wearing clothes which aren’t suitable for their age, may be harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
pictures. There is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
being worn
luxury items are judgmental about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
sense.

With regard to the positives,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
always want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
great
first
impression when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
updating and buying the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool. The youth will feel a greater sense of confidence and more fashionable.
Moreover
, they need to satisfy a requirement for novelty and it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
the national economy will
be boosted
.

In general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "passes"?
pass
our message across.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on catch up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
and wear clothes look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in.
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IELTS essay Young people now spending more and more time and money following fashion trends. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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