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Do you agree that the average health will be decreased in the future. How much you agree with the given statement.

Do you agree that the average health will be decreased in the future. How much you agree with the given statement. Vrbnm
I completely accord to the given statement that the average standard of people's health will be lowered in the future due to the plethora of causes that can be discussed in this essay. We can see that health is a debatable topic globally however, we can cover most of the points in support of the above statement. To embark, health is a state of being free from any illness, also its the collaborative stable state of physical, emotional, medical and social well- being. The state of being fit is likely to decrease due to food adulteration, poor air quality due to high smoke produced by massive industrialization. Other causes would be corporate culture in which every person is running in a never-ending race. It causes them to break out emotionally and they never give the proper time to their family and friends. It cuts them from social culture leads to isolation with depression and anxiety. This is the reason why we aren't able to find these people in some picnic spots or hill stations with families to enjoy the beauty of nature. After that, if people want to check their medical fitness, they use to go through yearly health check-ups. The parameters like body mass index, cholesterol level, systolic and diastolic blood pressure level never come in the normal limits. Moreover, deforestation, poor air index, and modern culture adoption leads people to such negativity and ruin the beautiful nature that automatically leads to decrease in average health. If we can calculate from the historical evidence, archaeological scientists usually give various examples of communities that become extinct like Mohenjo-Daro. Even species of plants, animals and rivers have also gone extinct and the temperature of earth is usually rising 2 to 3 degree Celsius on yearly basis. It leads to worst environmental conditions and expected that the earth will not be a good place to live for human beings. The only reason is that humans now become greedy, selfish and stubborn as they know the value of all but taking care of nothing. To summarise, earth is the best gift that is given by almighty. Therefore, it's the prime responsibility of every individual to take care of a planet like their home and after spending our full life span, we can safely hand it over to the next generation.
I completely accord to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement that the average standard of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will
be lowered
in the future due to the plethora of causes that can
be discussed
in this essay. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is a debatable topic globally
however
, we can cover most of the points in support of the above statement.

To embark,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is a state of being free from any illness,
also
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
the collaborative stable state of physical, emotional, medical and social well- being. The state of
being fit
is likely to decrease due to food adulteration, poor air quality due to high smoke produced by massive industrialization. Other causes would be corporate culture in which every person is running in a never-ending race. It causes them to break out
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
emotionally and
they never give the proper time to their family and friends. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
them from social culture leads to isolation with depression and anxiety. This is the reason why we aren't able to find these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
picnic spots or hill stations with families to enjoy the beauty of nature. After that, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their medical fitness, they
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
go through yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-ups. The parameters like body mass index, cholesterol level, systolic and diastolic blood pressure level never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in the normal limits.
Moreover
, deforestation, poor air index, and modern culture adoption leads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to such negativity and ruin the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
nature that
automatically
leads to decrease in average health.

If we can calculate from the historical evidence, archaeological scientists
usually
give various examples of communities that become extinct like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mohenjo-Daro
. Even species of plants, animals and rivers have
also
gone extinct and the temperature of earth is
usually
rising 2 to 3 degree Celsius on yearly basis. It leads to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the worst".
worst
environmental conditions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the earth will not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for human beings. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason is that humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become greedy, selfish and stubborn as they know the value of all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
taking care of nothing.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, earth is the best gift
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by almighty.
Therefore
, it's the prime responsibility of every individual to take care of a planet like their home and after spending our full life span, we can
safely
hand it over to the
next
generation.
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IELTS essay Do you agree that the average health will be decreased in the future. How much you agree with the given statement.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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