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‏young people how live in rural area they move to bigger cities when they become adults

‏young people how live in rural area they move to bigger cities when they become adults pLXmy
There is no doubt that these days all young people have the desire to move to bigger cities. The question is, why young people move to bigger cites when they become adults and is it appearance a positive or negative thing? . In this essay, I am going to discuss the reasons and draw my view. In terms of negative, young people when they leave to bigger cities their relationship with their families will be weaker. The main reason given to support this claim is that moving make them busy with hanging out and studying. To illustrate, the time difference between cities is consider also as a main reason. In other words, we should educate them to keep the relationship stronger and contacting more with their families. In conclusion, it is evident that the moving to bigger cities is much better than setting in the rural area the main reason as we discussed is because he level of education will be more valuable and effective in their self and life. As well as the chance to get a great opportunity is much bigger.
There is no doubt that these days all young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The question is, why young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
cites when they become adults and is it appearance a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thing?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In this essay, I am going to discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and draw my view.

In terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
their relationship with their families will be weaker. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support this claim is that moving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them busy with hanging out and studying. To illustrate, the time difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
also
as a main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
.
In other words
, we should educate them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the relationship stronger and contacting more with their families.

In conclusion
, it is evident that the moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is much better than setting in the rural area the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
as we discussed is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'he'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
he level
of education will be more valuable and effective in their self and life.
As well
as the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a great opportunity is much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
.
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IELTS essay ‏young people how live in rural area they move to bigger cities when they become adults

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
183 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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