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Young people enjoy their life more than old ones.

Young people enjoy their life more than old ones. jR108
The human life cycle consists of many stages of life raging from a toddler to young ones to older ones. Thus any person who is old would have led the life being young, so I do not completely agree or disagree with the statement for following reasons. Also the definition of enjoyment varies from person to person. When people are young they are full of energy, competent to achieve goal they want. This makes their life more independent. They have the energy to engage in highly energetic activities like sports, travelling and many others making their life full of enthusiasm and excitement. They find joy in making money and advancement in their careers. Contrast to this old people lacks energy and thus they need to rely mostly on other person for most of their needs. This make their life blend lacking spirit of excitement. This does not mean that old people do not enjoy living their life. They find joy in many common life activities. For example consider life of my grandparents. Their day starts by going for a walk in the garden along with people of their age. They talk about their life experiences, finding some joyful moments in their past life which gives them more joy as compared to materialistic pleasure of young people. Then they spent their time in temple which gives peace to their mind, most of young people are lacking from in their hustle life. At last they have strong bonding with children since both children and old people have pure heart helping them to understand each other well. I personally had strong bonding with my grandparents as compared with my parents when I was a child because my parents did not have much time and energy left from their work life to spent time with me. In conclusion, I would say how a person enjoys the life is a personal choice. Most of young people find joy in materialistic things while old people find it in simple things.
The human
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life
cycle consists of
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many
stages of
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life
raging from a toddler to
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young
ones to older ones.
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Thus
any
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person
who is
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old
would have led the
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life
being
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young
,
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so
I do not completely
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agree
or disagree with the statement for following reasons.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the definition of enjoyment varies from
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person
to person.

When
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people
are
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young
they are full of
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energy
, competent to achieve goal they want. This
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makes
their
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life
more independent. They have the
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energy
to engage in
highly
energetic activities like sports, travelling and
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many
others making their
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life
full of enthusiasm and excitement. They
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find
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joy
in making money and advancement in their careers. Contrast to this
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old
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lacks
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energy
and
thus
they need to rely
mostly
on other
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person
for most of their needs. This
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make
their
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life
blend lacking spirit of excitement.

This does not mean that
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old
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people
do not enjoy living their
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life
. They
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find
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joy
in
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many
common
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life
activities.
For example
consider
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life
of my grandparents. Their day
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starts
by going for a walk in the garden along with
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people
of their age. They talk about their
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life
experiences, finding
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some
joyful moments in their past
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life
which gives them more
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joy
as compared to materialistic pleasure of
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young
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people
. Then they spent their time in temple which gives peace to their mind, most of
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young
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people
are lacking from in their hustle
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life
. At
The comma is probably missing here: "last, they".
last they
have strong bonding with children since both children and
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old
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people
have pure heart helping them to understand each other well. I
personally
had strong bonding with my grandparents as compared with my parents when I was a child
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because
my parents did not have much time and
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energy
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left
from their work
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life
to spent time with me.

In conclusion
, I would say how a
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person
enjoys the
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life
is a personal choice. Most of
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joy
in materialistic things while
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it in simple things.
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IELTS essay Young people enjoy their life more than old ones.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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