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Young people enjoy life more than older people do#INDEPENDENT WRITING TASK#

Young people enjoy life more than older people do#INDEPENDENT WRITING TASK# PVnW2
I completely agree with the statement that young people enjoy life more than older people do. Youth is the age of happiness and one does not have any commitments. Besides, there are lot many advantages that turn in favor of youth to enjoy life to the core. On the other hand, the old aged people have almost reached the end of their lives and their past experiences or their current condition can sometimes prevent them from enjoying life. First of all, young people do not have any family commitments and worries. All that they have to do, is to study and take care of t. . .
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy life more than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. Youth is the age of happiness and one does not have any commitments.
Besides
, there are lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that turn in favor of youth to enjoy life to the core.
On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have almost reached the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and their
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
or their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
condition can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from enjoying life.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have any family commitments and worries. All that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do, is to study and take care of t.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.

IELTS essay Young people enjoy life more than older people do#INDEPENDENT WRITING TASK#

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
107 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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