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Young people enjoy life more than older people do.

Young people enjoy life more than older people do. GMWrm
Nowadays with the strong presence of technology, some may say that young people enjoy life more than older people do. I am of the opinion that this statement is true. However, there can be some exceptions. And I feel this way for several reasons which I will further elaborate in this essay. First of all, young people: children and teenagers, have a lot more resources available, in comparison with previous generations. that is mainly to technology, modern technology provided means for entertainment that was unimaginable before. for instance the internet; which gives young people access to millions of movies, books and songs. And this can be quite fun, For example I taught my grandfather how to use the internet the other day, and once he learn how surf it he was blown away with the huge content made available on the internet. My grandfather ended up spending most of his time online reading books that he always wanted to get but he couldn't or listen to old songs. when I thinking of how older people had fun back then it is hard to think who or with what. Secondly, I believe that young people have the physical ability to travel around and explore the world. In my opinion the early years in an adult life are the most fun, and it is understandable that later in life it wont be as fun. That is why I strongly recommend, myself included, to take advantage of these wonderful years. My grandfather once on a family trip told me that we should not have brought him along he can not do these kind of activities anymore. he also told us that this is our time to have fun. Finally as I mentioned in the beginning that there can be some exceptions, I still hold my ground and I believe this because age really is just a number, and the person's soul is the really what determine his or her age, like my grandfather who believed that he is too old to have fun, on the other had other old people would be open to the idea. In conclusion, I believe in general that children and teenagers enjoy life more that old people, that is because the technology and their physical ability, for those reasons I hold this opinion.
Nowadays with the strong presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more than older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do. I am of the opinion that this statement is true.
However
, there can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions. And I feel this way for several reasons which I will
further
elaborate in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
: children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, have a lot more resources available,
in comparison
with previous generations.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
is
mainly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
provided means for entertainment that was unimaginable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance the internet; which gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
access to millions of movies, books and songs. And this can be quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
,
For example
I taught my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandfather
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet the other day, and once he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "learns", "learned", "learnt".
learn
how surf it he
was blown
away with the huge content made available on the internet. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandfather
ended up spending most of his time online reading books that he always wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he couldn't or listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
songs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
Did you mean "I'm thinking", "I am thinking", or "I was thinking"?
I thinking
of how older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
back then it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
who or with what.

Secondly
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the physical ability to travel around and explore the world. In my opinion the early years in an adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
, and it is understandable that later in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
it
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
be as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
.
That is
why I
strongly
recommend, myself included, to take advantage of these wonderful years. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandfather
once on a family trip
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that we should not have brought him along he can not do
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of activities anymore.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
us that this is our time to have fun.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
as I mentioned in the beginning that there can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions, I
still
hold my ground and I believe this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
age
really
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a number, and the person's soul is the
really
what determine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
age, like my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandfather
who believed that he is too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
, on the other had other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be open to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

In conclusion
, I believe
in general
that children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and their physical ability, for those reasons I hold this opinion.
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IELTS essay Young people enjoy life more than older people do.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
385 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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