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Young People enjoy life more than old people. Do you agree or not?

Young People enjoy life more than old people. Do you agree or not? e58OG
Many people define life in different ways and it depends on all types of things like age, sex, ethnics and others. Out of these factors, if we consider the only factor age, then obviously young people enjoy their life far better that the old people. I believe, the main reason the young people enjoy their life is old people are limited by their increasing reponsibility and decreasing energy with the growing age. Lets start with how the increasing reponsibility for the old ones decrease their enjoyment of life. For old people, they have to consider different aspects that affects them like job and family. They have to fulfill cetain expectations from job of doing work perfectly as well as they have to perform some family function to take care of young and the old ones. With in these circle of responsibility they are lost and can only think of outer things rather than of themselves. They start avoiding their dreams and start proritize the work and the family. Always compromising for the dreams and the things, they are unable to taste the real feel of life. For example, consider a family of a single mother who have a young child of age 19. In that family the mother have to be everything for the child, she has to be everyperson -a mother, a father, a sister, a friend. And, putting all those masks and pretending to be everything she will eventually loose the inner herself. However, for the young one with mother as her rock bottom has more freedom to explore the lifr. So, which should we consider as a enjoyment of life-- losing the innerself or exploring in freedom? After the incresing responsibilty, then comes the decreasing energy and activeness with increase in age. As people start to cross above 30, they start to lose their energy as well as their activeness. Eventually, with all the stress in job and family they start to have anxiety and other health problems. Eventually, with increasing problems rather than a happy person they will turn into a worrier. Young person have extra energy and excitement since they are experiencing things for the first time. But, old people has passed the phase already, they have seen everything in their life time due to which they didinot find any excitement in those aspects. For instance, if we see the way the people these days celebrate festivals. Young people are mostly excited about festivals with kites, colurs and lights, while old people cant find beauty in those things. So, the enjoyment of life is all subjective even though young people have high energy and excitement to enjoy life more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
define
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life
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways and it depends on all types of things like
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age
, sex, ethnics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. Out of these factors, if we
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consider
the
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only
factor
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age
, then
obviously
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young
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people
enjoy their
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life
far better that the
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old
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people
. I believe, the main reason the
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young
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people
enjoy their
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life
is
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old
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people
are limited
by their increasing
Possible spelling mistake found.
reponsibility
and decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
with the growing age.

Did you mean "Let's" (let's = let us; lets = 3rd person singular of 'let')?
Lets
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start
with how the increasing
Possible spelling mistake found.
reponsibility
for the
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
decrease their enjoyment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they
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have to
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consider
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different
aspects that affects them like job and
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family
. They
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have to
fulfill
Possible spelling mistake found.
cetain
expectations from job of doing work
perfectly
as well
as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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family
function to take care of
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young
and the
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old
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ones
. With in these circle of responsibility they
are lost
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of outer things
rather
than of themselves. They
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start
avoiding their dreams and
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start
Possible spelling mistake found.
proritize
the work and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Always compromising for the dreams and the things, they are unable to taste the real feel of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
,
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consider
a
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family
of a single
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mother
who have a
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young
child of
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age
19. In that
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family
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
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have to
be everything for the child, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyperson
-a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
, a father, a sister, a friend. And, putting all those masks and pretending to be everything she will
eventually
loose the inner herself.
However
, for the
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young
one with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
as her rock bottom has more freedom to explore the
Possible spelling mistake found.
lifr
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, which should we
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consider
as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
enjoyment of
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life--
losing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
innerself
or exploring in freedom?

After the
Possible spelling mistake found.
incresing
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibilty
, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and activeness with increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. As
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to cross above 30, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
as well
as their activeness.
Eventually
, with all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to have anxiety and other health problems.
Eventually
, with increasing problems
rather
than a happy person they will turn into a worrier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
person have extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and excitement since they are experiencing things for the
first
time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
passed the phase already, they have
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seen
everything in their
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
due to which they
Possible spelling mistake found.
didinot
find any excitement in those aspects.
For instance
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days celebrate festivals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
mostly
excited about festivals with kites,
Possible spelling mistake found.
colurs
and lights, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "can't" or "cannot"?
cant
find beauty in those things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the enjoyment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is all subjective
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and excitement to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more.
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IELTS essay Young People enjoy life more than old people. Do you agree or not?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
444 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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