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Young people are suggested to undertake unpaid jobs to help people in the society. Do advantages outweight disadvantages?

Young people are suggested to undertake unpaid jobs to help people in the society. Do advantages outweight disadvantages? 75WPX
In this day and age, young people involve in various activities in terms of different fields as entertainment, education, research and other cutting-edge areas in the society. Doing voluntary work has been one of the most prevalent activities of millennials recently to help people with disadvantaged backgrounds. While this job has some demerits, in my opinion these are overshadowed by merits. Some people believe that when millennials undertake unpaid jobs, they could be used by people who are helped. It is obvious that some millennials do not have enough own social experiences to profoundly understand the negative aspects in the society. Therefore, a great number of people disguise themselves as people living below the poverty line to make use of youngsters to have a good living condition. What is more, another negative problem stemming from unpaid jobs is that young adults might waste time significantly when involving in useless activities, namely cleaning houses, cutting grass or doing gardening. In lieu of doing these activities, they could completely spend quality time on studying or promoting their career. Despite the fact that doing voluntary work can lead to detriments for young people, it cannot be denied that undertaking unpaid jobs may help humans develop major skills. For instance, when millennials involve in different unpaid jobs in Green Summer Volunteer Campaign, teaching for deprived children with no payment, selling clothes to raising funds for the poor and other valuable activities, they can get their personal experiences. Furthermore, youths can acquire moral values because they directly witness street children or adults who are struggling to make ends meet, dealing with starvation, and in desperate need. From this factual situation, young people can sympathize the disparity between the wealthy and the poor. In conclusion, voluntary jobs can bring disadvantages for young people related to being used by bad people and wasting a great amount of their time. Nevertheless, when taking part in these unpaid jobs, young people could gain their own experiences as well as develop social skills and enhance moral responsibility for their own. I am of the opinion that voluntary jobs can bring more benefits than drawbacks, and, therefore, in the future, academic institutions and social organization should encourage people to involve in volunteer campaigns in the society.
In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involve in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields as entertainment, education, research and other cutting-edge areas in the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
work has been one of the most prevalent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of millennials recently to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with disadvantaged backgrounds. While this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits, in my opinion these
are overshadowed
by merits.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that when millennials undertake unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
. It is obvious that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
millennials do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
social experiences to
profoundly
understand the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects in the society.
Therefore
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disguise themselves as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living below the poverty line to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of youngsters to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living condition.
What is more
, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
problem stemming from unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults might waste time
significantly
when involving in useless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
namely
cleaning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, cutting grass or
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going gardening".
doing gardening
. In lieu of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they could completely spend quality time on studying or promoting their career.

Despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
work can lead to detriments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it cannot
be denied
that undertaking unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
humans develop major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, when millennials involve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in Green Summer Volunteer Campaign, teaching for deprived children with no payment, selling clothes to raising funds for the poor and other valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their personal experiences.
Furthermore
, youths can acquire moral values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
directly
witness street children or adults who are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, dealing with starvation, and in desperate need. From this factual situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can sympathize the disparity between the wealthy and the poor.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can bring disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
related to being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and wasting a great amount of their time.
Nevertheless
, when taking part in these unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could gain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences
as well
as develop social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and enhance moral responsibility for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can bring more benefits than drawbacks, and,
therefore
, in the future, academic institutions and social organization should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to involve in volunteer campaigns in the society.
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IELTS essay Young people are suggested to undertake unpaid jobs to help people in the society. Do advantages outweight disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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