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Nowadays, old people work with young people in the same workplace, are advantages more than disadvantages?

Nowadays, old people work with young people in the same workplace, are advantages more than disadvantages? 75W3X
In recent years, many companies hire both youth and elders to work in a same department. While there are some benefits for this action, I believe its drawbacks are outweigh positive points. With regard to merits, senior citizens have much more knowledge than younger people. Because, thay have many work experiences in a specific workplace. As a result, juniors can use of their abilities to facilitate some processes. For example, in many companies older personnel are considered as a consultant to express their opinions in emergency situations. Consequently, other coworkers may count on them in different situations. Nevertheless, the combination of two different generations in a working area may have some terrible consequences. Firstly, energy and enthusiasm of these colleagues may not be comparable which can cause some difficulties and it will diminish the rate of work. Hence, work pace will reduce. Secondly, most of elders prefer to use traditional methods at work instead of new technologies; however, young people tend to use up-to-date methods. Therefore, thay can not make a good profit because of avoiding the use of Labour-saving devices at work. To illustrate, most of old generations do not have enough knowledge to work with new devices, so they are willing to work in conventional ways. Taking everything into consideration, however, elders experiences may be used at work they can cause some problems at work, such as mitigating the speed of work and reducing the profit of company.
In recent years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hire both youth and elders to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a same department. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for this action, I believe its drawbacks are
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points.

With regard to merits, senior citizens have much more knowledge than younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences in a specific workplace.
As a result
, juniors can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their abilities to facilitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
processes.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
older personnel
are considered
as a consultant to express their opinions in emergency situations.
Consequently
, other coworkers may count on them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations.

Nevertheless
, the combination of two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations in a working area may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
terrible consequences.
Firstly
, energy and enthusiasm of these colleagues may not be comparable which can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties and it will diminish the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pace will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
Secondly
,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the elders") or simply say "most elders".
most of elders
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
traditional methods at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
of new technologies;
however
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
up-to-date methods.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of avoiding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Labour-saving
devices at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. To illustrate, most of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generations do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with new devices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in conventional ways.

Taking everything into consideration,
however
, elders experiences may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, such as mitigating the speed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and reducing the profit of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, old people work with young people in the same workplace, are advantages more than disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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