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Overeating is unhealthy as smoking and some food advertisements should be banned in countries Write a passage about your opinion

Overeating is unhealthy as smoking and some food advertisements should be banned in countries Write a passage about your opinion rYKk6
It is argued that overeating causes as many health problems as using cigarettes, thus, food advertisements should be forbidden like tobacco advertisements. While I accept that this idea may suit many people, I believe that the advertising of food products should not be prohibited. On the one hand, food advertisements may bring about some certain serious problems. Firstly, the advertising of junk food on broadcasting television is definitely harmful to many people, especially kids. If small children watch TV regularly and see the advertising of some fast food restaurants like KFC or McDonald, they will choose to eat these toxic food instead of eating healthy ones like vegetables. In long term, children could be prone to obesity, which may cause some detrimental health problems such as heart-related problems. Secondly, some food companies would like to invite some celebrities like pop stars and movie actors, who are known as trend-setters, to appear in their advertisements. By having the celebrities endorsement, many fans of those stars will buy the products like trend-chasers to support for what their idol advertise without knowing that the products are actually bad or good. However, despite the problems mentioned above, I disagree with the idea of banning food advertisements. One reason is that not all food advertisements are bad. Some of them are healthy products and it will be unfair if these advertisements can not broadcast on television or social networking sites. Furthermore, people who suffer from some health problems like eating disorders will find food advertisement useful because it stimulates them to eat more and more. In conclusion, it is certainly true that the advertising of food could lead to some problems but this is by no means should the advertisements be forbidden.
It
is argued
that overeating causes as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
as using cigarettes,
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should
be forbidden
like tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. While I accept that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
may suit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, I believe that the advertising of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
should not
be prohibited
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
may bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
, the advertising of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on broadcasting television is definitely harmful to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
kids. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
regularly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the advertising of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants like KFC or McDonald, they will choose to eat these toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of eating healthy ones like vegetables. In long term, children could be prone to obesity, which may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as heart-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would like to invite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities like pop stars and movie actors, who
are known
as trend-setters, to appear in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. By having the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "celebrities'" or "celebrity's"?
celebrities
endorsement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fans of those stars will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
like trend-chasers to support for what their idol advertise without knowing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

However
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
mentioned above, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. One reason is that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and it will be unfair if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can not broadcast on television or social networking sites.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like eating disorders will find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it stimulates them to eat more and more.

In conclusion
, it is
certainly
true that the advertising of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is by no means should the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
be forbidden
.
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IELTS essay Overeating is unhealthy as smoking and some food advertisements should be banned in countries Write a passage about your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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