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yound people should more time on cultural activities less time on sport

yound people should more time on cultural activities less time on sport 1aoAG
In the modern world, young people be not remembered these cultural activities such as music and theater and sport which be replaced for these cultural activities. It is leading to this countries are loose traditional culture which ancestor bring out us. Firstly, young people think that music and theater is boring so their were found out this sport such as volleyball, soccer, badminton to relax. Nowadays, more young people assume that this cultural activities are ancient and inappropriate for the technology world today. Secondly, almost young people do not spend more time for on cultural activities. They think this activities do not popular so they do not search for information about it. That time they spend to the sport activities which help improve their health and brain. Consequently, we will give their the suitable solutions and the reasons. Traditional culture is important due to in the fact that it helps people connect with the history of their country. The sport are not always better than these cultural activities. This cultural activities make young people become a creative people and happier in their life. In conclusion, young people should spend more time on cultural activities less on sport. We should encourage both of them because it is an essential part of their.
In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be not remembered these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as music and theater and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
which
be replaced
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is leading to
Did you mean "these"?
this
countries are loose traditional culture which ancestor bring out us.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that music and theater is boring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their
were found
out this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
such as volleyball, soccer, badminton to relax. Nowadays, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assume that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are ancient and inappropriate for the technology world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

Secondly
, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not spend more time for on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
do not popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not search for information about it. That time they spend to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and brain.

Consequently
, we will give their the suitable solutions and the reasons. Traditional culture is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
due to in the fact that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connect with the history of their country. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are not always better than these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become a creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and happier in their life.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend more time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
less on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. We should encourage both of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is an essential part of their.
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IELTS essay yound people should more time on cultural activities less time on sport

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
211 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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