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You work for an international company. You are celebrating special family event and need to take time off for it. Write a letter to your boss. - Explain what the celebration is- Ask how long you would take time off- Say how your work could be done while yo v.1

You work for an international company. You are celebrating special family event and need to take time off for it. Write a letter to your boss. - Explain what the celebration is- Ask how long you would take time off- Say how your work could be done while yo v. 1
Movies and computer games are invariably popular across people of all ages. Some of them contain violence which influences people to commit such crimes in real life. Sometimes they can have negative effects on communities and can cause serious problems if not handled properly. However, few others believe that they are harmless to the society. Admittedly, films are one of the most popular entertainment across the globe and it has a wide variety of genres. Mostly, movies from Western countries contains more violent scenes than from any other regions and it is being released in theatres worldwide. However, most of the countries have their own release certifications where they can impose certain restrictions. On the other hand, computer games, both offline and online don't have such regulations and it is often very addictive. There are many cases documented for hatred and mass crimes being committed after getting influenced from these games and films. For example, in the United States of America, large number of mass shootings have occurred in schools and movie theatres after the release of Batman movie and PUBG game. On the other hand, some people believe that these movies and games won't cause any distress to the community. They only treat it as entertainment. Despite having violence, people tend to enjoy the movie with their families including kids. There are many violent games in the phone application as well which are highly notorious among kids. For example, there are some case studies documented in Europe, where parents are liberal to their children especially allowing to play such violent games. To conclude, in my opinion, banning such violent films and games is not a good solution. Government should regulate it so that it can be enjoyed by all groups of people. Thus, if it is observed to have negative impacts on the society, it must be removed immediately.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movies
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
invariably
popular across
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them contain violence which influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit such crimes in real life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on communities and can cause serious problems if not handled
properly
.
However
, few others believe that they are harmless to the society.

Admittedly
, films are one of the most popular entertainment across the globe and it has a wide variety of genres.
Mostly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
from Western countries contains more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes than from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regions and it is
being released
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
worldwide.
However
, most of the countries have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
release certifications where they can impose certain restrictions. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, both offline and online don't have such regulations and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases documented for hatred and mass crimes
being committed
after getting influenced from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and films.
For example
, in the United States of America, large number of mass shootings have occurred in schools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
after the release of Batman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
and PUBG game.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
won't cause any distress to the community. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
treat it as entertainment. Despite having violence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
with their families including kids. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the phone application
as well
which are
highly
notorious among kids.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case studies documented in Europe, where parents are liberal to their children
especially
allowing to play such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
games.

To conclude
, in my opinion, banning such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should regulate it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can
be enjoyed
by all groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, if it
is observed
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the society, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be removed
immediately.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You work for an international company. You are celebrating special family event and need to take time off for it. Write a letter to your boss. - Explain what the celebration is- Ask how long you would take time off- Say how your work could be done while yo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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