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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The bar chart shows the monthly spending in dollars of a family in the USA on three items in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Wri v.6

The bar chart shows the monthly spending in dollars of a family in the USA on three items in 2010.
Money becomes the fundamental way of happiness in everyone's life. It is believed that the supreme reason for being joyous by some folks is having ample amount of funds. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the above statement and how other things are also far more important. Firstly, every other human wants to lead a luxurious activity and its only possible if a person is flourished with cash. People are becoming highly materialistic in society and find true satisfaction in possession of products like bungalow, cars, branded clothes etc. To exemplify, one of my friends is so obsessed with branded watches that she always buys a new because her father is a businessman who provides enough bucks for all her expenses. Secondly, people can achieve their dreams and desires which can only be accomplished through finances. If a man wants to explore the places or having a fantasy of a destination wedding, which can only be experienced if an individual is rich. Therefore, everyone always finds a way to earn more which not only fulfils their day to day needs, but also satisfies the desires which makes them happy. Alternatively, wealth is imperative in leading a blissful living, but cannot guarantee in proving experiences which last for a longer period of time. The main source of contentment is the family love or friends time, which makes the esprit more meaningful. In the same way, when an individual is spending span with their loved ones, it is memories, which remember for a lifetime. For example, I still remember the time when I was a child, my mother used to assist me with my assignments and not the toys that she bought. In short, though it is an undeniable fact that money is considered a major source of pleasure, but at the end of the day one can't ignore the memorable moments with dear ones, which makes them jubilant.
Money becomes the fundamental way of happiness in everyone's life. It
is believed
that the supreme reason for being joyous by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks is having ample amount of funds. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the above statement and how other things are
also
far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Firstly
, every other human wants to lead a luxurious activity and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
possible if a person
is flourished
with cash.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are becoming
highly
materialistic in society and find true satisfaction in possession of products like bungalow, cars, branded clothes etc. To exemplify, one of my friends is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obsessed with branded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
that she always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
a new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
her father is a businessman who provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
bucks for all her expenses.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can achieve their dreams and desires which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be accomplished
through finances. If a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
wants to explore the places or having a fantasy of a destination wedding, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
be experienced
if an individual is rich.
Therefore
, everyone always finds a way to earn more which not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulfils
their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
satisfies the desires which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy.

Alternatively
, wealth is imperative in leading a blissful living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot guarantee in proving experiences which last for a longer period of time. The main source of contentment is the family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
or friends time, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the esprit more meaningful.
In the same way
, when an individual is spending span with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, it is memories, which remember for a lifetime.
For example
, I
still
remember the time when I was a child, my mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to assist me with my assignments and not the toys that she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
.

In short, though it is an undeniable fact that money
is considered
a major source of pleasure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day one can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the memorable moments with dear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them jubilant.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart shows the monthly spending in dollars of a family in the USA on three items in 2010.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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