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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1/ Graph Writing - Bar Chart: You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. v.3

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1/ Graph Writing - Bar Chart: The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014.
GRAPHICS IN THIS TEST INTRODUCE THE READER ABOUT THE TOP TEN COUNTRIES WITH THE HIGHEST ALLOCATION ON TRAVEL IN 2014. THE TOP TEN COUNTRIES WERE DISPLAYING THE READER AS CONCERN EXPENDITURE BASED ON THE CALCULATION OF US $TONS. COUNTRIES FROM THE INFORMATION CHART CONTAINS THE WELL KNOWN COUNTRIES, SUCH AS: CHINA, THE UNITED STATES, GERMANY, THE UNITED KINGDOM, SINGAPORE, SOUTH KOREA, HONG KONG, INDIA, MALAYSIA, AND TAIWAN. THE INFORMATION FROM CHART WAS USING MULTIPLE OF 20 SCALES WHICH STARTS FROM 0 TO 120. THEN THE GRAPH WAS SHOWED WITH HORIZONTAL DISPLAY WHICH IS ACCOMPANIED BY THE SEPARATOR LINE IN THE SCALE WITH VALUE 4. THIS WAS RELATED TO THE SOURCE FROM UNWTO OVERALL, THE CHINA SPENT MORE MONEY ON CONSUMER TRAVEL THAN OTHER 9 (NINE) COUNTRIES IN 2014. CHINA SPENT MONEY ON TRAVEL WITH CONCENTRATE 110 US $TONS. NEXT RATED ACCORDED TO THE UNITED STATES AND GERMANY WITH 85 US $TONS, AND ALSO FOLLOWED BY THE UNITED KINGDOM WITH 55 US $TONS, SOUTH KOREA AND HONG KONG WITH 20 US $TONS, INDIA WITH 15 US $TONS, THEN MALAYSIA WITH 12 US $TONS. THE LAST RATED IN GRAPHIC SHOWED BY THE COUNTRY OF TAIWAN WITH 10 US $TONS CONSUMED IN 2014 IN TERMS OF COMPARISON OF DONATION CONSUMER ON CHINA WITH TAIWAN WERE CONTAINED 100 US $TONS. AS THE CHART SHOW THE PURCHASER EXPENDED ON CHINA IS 11 TIMES LARGER THAN TAIWAN. THE ANOTHER FACT THAT READER CAN TOOK FROM THE GRAPH WAS FROM TOP TO BOTTOM, UNITS OF SPENDING WAS DECREASING FROM ONE TO ANOTHER. THERE ARE 2 (TWO) COUNTRIES THAT HAVE THE EQUALIZATION OF SPENDING COSTUMERS EACH OTHER. SOME COUNTRIES IN ASIA WAS TELLING US TO CONTINUE AND DOMINATE COMPARED TO OTHER CONTINENTS IN YEARS OF 2014. THE CONCLUSION FROM THE DIAGRAM WAS TELLING US ABOUT MONEY SPENT ON TOUR 2014. CHINA NEIGHBOURING COUNTRIES, HONG KONG AND TAIWAN ARE INCLUDED. THAT ALSO RELATED TO NUMBER OF POPULATIONS WHERE THERE ARE POTENTIALS FOR HUGE TRAVELS
GRAPHICS IN THIS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TEST
INTRODUCE THE READER ABOUT THE TOP TEN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
WITH THE HIGHEST ALLOCATION ON
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TRAVEL
IN 2014. THE TOP TEN
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COUNTRIES
WERE DISPLAYING THE READER AS CONCERN EXPENDITURE BASED ON THE CALCULATION OF US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
FROM THE INFORMATION CHART CONTAINS THE WELL KNOWN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
, SUCH AS: CHINA, THE
The proper noun "United STATES" needs to be capitalized.
UNITED STATES
, GERMANY, THE
The proper noun "United KINGDOM" needs to be capitalized.
UNITED KINGDOM
, SINGAPORE, SOUTH KOREA, HONG KONG, INDIA, MALAYSIA, AND TAIWAN. THE INFORMATION FROM CHART WAS USING MULTIPLE OF 20 SCALES WHICH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTS
FROM 0 TO 120. THEN THE GRAPH WAS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOWED
WITH HORIZONTAL DISPLAY WHICH
IS ACCOMPANIED
BY THE SEPARATOR LINE IN THE SCALE WITH VALUE 4. THIS
WAS RELATED
TO THE SOURCE FROM
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
UNWTO


OVERALL
, THE CHINA SPENT MORE MONEY ON CONSUMER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TRAVEL
THAN OTHER 9 (NINE)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
IN 2014. CHINA SPENT MONEY ON
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TRAVEL
WITH CONCENTRATE 110 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
.
NEXT
RATED ACCORDED TO THE
The proper noun "United STATES" needs to be capitalized.
UNITED STATES
AND GERMANY WITH 85 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
, AND
ALSO
FOLLOWED BY THE
The proper noun "United KINGDOM" needs to be capitalized.
UNITED KINGDOM
WITH 55 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
, SOUTH KOREA AND HONG KONG WITH 20 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
, INDIA WITH 15 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
, THEN MALAYSIA WITH 12 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
. THE LAST RATED IN GRAPHIC
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOWED
BY THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRY
OF TAIWAN WITH 10 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
CONSUMED IN 2014

IN TERMS OF COMPARISON OF DONATION CONSUMER ON CHINA WITH TAIWAN
WERE CONTAINED
100 US
Possible spelling mistake found.
$TONS
. AS THE CHART
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOW
THE PURCHASER EXPENDED ON CHINA IS 11 TIMES LARGER THAN TAIWAN. THE ANOTHER FACT THAT READER CAN TOOK FROM THE GRAPH WAS FROM TOP TO BOTTOM, UNITS OF SPENDING WAS DECREASING FROM ONE TO ANOTHER. THERE ARE 2 (TWO)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
THAT HAVE THE EQUALIZATION OF SPENDING COSTUMERS EACH OTHER.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
IN ASIA
You should probably use: "were".
WAS
TELLING US TO CONTINUE AND DOMINATE COMPARED TO OTHER CONTINENTS IN YEARS OF 2014.

THE CONCLUSION FROM THE DIAGRAM WAS TELLING US ABOUT MONEY SPENT ON TOUR 2014. CHINA
Possible spelling mistake. 'NEIGHBOURING' is British English.
NEIGHBOURING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
COUNTRIES
, HONG KONG AND TAIWAN
ARE INCLUDED
. THAT
ALSO
RELATED TO NUMBER OF POPULATIONS WHERE THERE ARE POTENTIALS FOR HUGE
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
TRAVELS
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay IELTS Academic Writing Task 1/ Graph Writing - Bar Chart: The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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