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You received a letter from your friend informing you about his elderly parents are coming to visit in your area and he is asking for your advise on- which places they should visit- where should they live- Invite them to do something with you v.1

You received a letter from your friend informing you about his elderly parents are coming to visit in your area and he is asking for your advise on- which places they should visit- where should they live- Invite them to do something with you v. 1
It is important to consider that how a government should allocate its resources towards the overall betterment of the society. Some people believe that spending money on the arts is a waste of resources and it should be spent somewhere which is better for the society. While I disagree that the arts is a waste of money, I do feel that some of the funding should be allocated for the welfare of the public. To begin with, arts is an essential part of culture which allows people not only to express their creativity, but also their opinions. This expression of ideas fosters an intellectually healthy society which is crucial in the progress of a country. For example, arts institutions organizing different events provide a great opportunity to artists not only to share their ideas with the public, but also to shed light on the critical social issues. Therefore, government ought to support the arts by putting in some resources to it. However, besides spending on the arts, government should not forget to fulfil the basic public needs. It is occasionally observed, especially in the developing countries that governments often divert their resource toward projects which have nothing to do with the welfare of the general population. For instance, In Pakistan, the provincial government of Sindh, spent extravagantly over the renovation of the provincial assembly building while several people in rural areas of the province are disenfranchised of basic health facilities. In conclusion, while others people opinion may vary, in my view, there is no waste of money in supporting the arts, but the welfare of the public should be the top priority of the government when it comes to allocation of resource.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider that how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate its resources towards the
overall
betterment of the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that spending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of resources and it should
be spent
somewhere which is better for the society. While I disagree that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a waste of money, I do feel that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
funding should
be allocated
for the welfare of the public.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is an essential part of culture which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to express their creativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their opinions. This expression of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
fosters an
intellectually
healthy society which is crucial in the progress of a country.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
institutions organizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
provide a great opportunity to artists not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with the public,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to shed light on the critical social issues.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
by putting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
resources to it.

However
,
besides
spending on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not forget to fulfil the basic public needs. It is
occasionally
observed,
especially
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
divert their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
toward projects which have nothing to do with the welfare of the general population.
For instance
, In Pakistan, the provincial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sindh
, spent
extravagantly
over the renovation of the provincial assembly building while several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in rural areas of the province
are disenfranchised
of basic health facilities.

In conclusion
, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opinion may vary, in my view, there is no waste of money in supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the welfare of the public should be the top priority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to allocation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You received a letter from your friend informing you about his elderly parents are coming to visit in your area and he is asking for your advise on- which places they should visit- where should they live- Invite them to do something with you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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