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you have long been friends with someone, if they do something that you don't like, should you still be friend with him or her? v.1

you have long been friends with someone, if they do something that you don't like, should you still be friend with him or her? v. 1
That living on the earth is becoming difficult is only a matter of time, many people believe that the investment in searching for other living planets should be intensified. I disagree with this idea as I believe it is a waste of resources to spend more money to find other planets to settle. There are two major reasons why living on earth is getting more unsustainable. On obvious problem is that our excessive demand for consumption is the culprit of the depletion of natural resources. To demonstrate, the exploitation of such fossil fuels as coal, crude oil to meet the increasing needs of energy has negative impacts on the environment. Another concern is that there are growing problems of pollution worldwide due to human activities. In Vietnam, for instance, it is common that industrial wastes are released illegally into rivers by some factories, contaminating the water source and poisoning aquatic creatures. Nevertheless, I would argue that the search for new planets where human beings can survive is a waste of valuable resources. Firstly, a vast amount of money would be required to sponsor such space exploration with no guarantee of success. This money is necessary for raising the living standards of people, including providing better health care and education services. Secondly, financial resources should be used to develop advanced technologies that would be more environmentally friendly and provide renewable energy. In the field of transport, vehicles now can be converted to run on hydrogen or solar energy, which is affordable and do no harm to our environment. In conclusion, I consider that expenditure on research for new planets to colonise should be given a low priority, and human should make an effort to find more practical solutions.
That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on the earth is becoming difficult is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a matter of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the investment in searching for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
should
be intensified
. I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as I believe it is a waste of resources to spend more money to find other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
to settle.

There are two major reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on earth is getting more unsustainable. On obvious problem is that our excessive demand for consumption is the culprit of the depletion of natural resources. To demonstrate, the exploitation of such fossil fuels as coal, crude oil to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the increasing needs of energy has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the environment. Another concern is that there are growing problems of pollution worldwide due to human activities. In Vietnam,
for instance
, it is common that industrial wastes
are released
illegally
into rivers by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factories, contaminating the water source and poisoning aquatic creatures.

Nevertheless
, I would argue that the search for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
where human beings can survive is a waste of valuable resources.
Firstly
, a vast amount of money would
be required
to sponsor such space exploration with no guarantee of success. This money is necessary for raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including providing better health care and education services.
Secondly
, financial resources should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to develop advanced technologies that would be more
environmentally
friendly and provide renewable energy. In the field of transport, vehicles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
be converted
to run on hydrogen or solar energy, which is affordable and do no harm to our environment.

In conclusion
, I consider that expenditure on research for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planets
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'colonise' is British English.
colonise
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a low priority, and human should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to find more practical solutions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay you have long been friends with someone, if they do something that you don't like, should you still be friend with him or her? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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