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You can't attend a meeting with your friend. In your letter: cancel the meeting and apologiesexplain why you cancelsuggest where and when you could see each other v.1

You can't attend a meeting with your friend. In your letter: cancel the meeting and apologiesexplain why you cancelsuggest where and when you could see each other v. 1
In this fast changing modern era, every age- group need certain facilities for their survival. Although half part of the population believes that after retirement people should get support from the government, the other part thinks just opposite to it, they want every individual must save money for the future when they are working. I will put shine on both the sides. In my opinion, it is important for the society and law take care of old people. To embark with, there are several reasons why some masses holding a view in against of providing facilities like financial help for older people. First of all, the government can introduce a more development project which helps to improve the country's economy and growth instead of giving benefiting services to retired people. For instance, latest studies prove that many nations ban these facilities after retirement and focuses more on construction on developing valuable public projects. In addition, it is seen that sometimes relatives or others cheat on retired people to get money for their service. This is why some people may not get these benefits. On the contrary, nowadays survival becomes relatively difficult due to a lot of competition in every field. First and foremost, after a certain age, people lost their physical power to perform labour work such as worker in factory and driver etc. . So, in this situation they need support financially for the basic needs of human beings that is home, footwear, clothes, and foot etc. Moreover, in toady's world, there are some sons and daughters who leave their parents alone, for them ministry needs to build more old- age home where they get proper basic needs and take care. Even the rapidly rising cost of living and food item adversely effect retired people who do not have adequate savings. To encapsulate the whole notion, I gather that retired people contribute their life in the development of society. Furthermore after retirement, it's society's and governance duty to take care of these people and ensure their better survival.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing modern era, every age- group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
certain facilities for their survival. Although half part of the population believes that after retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the other part
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
opposite to it, they want every individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
save money for the future when they are working. I will put shine on both the sides. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the society and law take care of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To embark with, there are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses holding a view in against of providing facilities like financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can introduce a more development project which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the country's economy and growth
instead
of giving benefiting services to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
studies prove that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations ban these facilities after retirement and focuses more on construction on developing valuable public projects.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
relatives or others cheat on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money for their service. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these benefits.

On the contrary
, nowadays survival becomes
relatively
difficult due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
competition in every field.
First
and foremost, after a certain age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost their physical power to perform
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
work such as worker in factory and driver etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in this situation they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
support
financially
for the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of human beings
that is
home, footwear, clothes, and foot etc.
Moreover
, in toady's world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sons and daughters who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their parents alone, for them ministry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to build more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
- age home where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and take care. Even the
rapidly
rising cost of living and food item
adversely
effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have adequate savings.

To encapsulate the whole notion, I gather that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute their life in the development of society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
after retirement, it's society's and governance duty to take care of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and ensure their better survival.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You can't attend a meeting with your friend. In your letter: cancel the meeting and apologiesexplain why you cancelsuggest where and when you could see each other v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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