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The flowchart shows the impact of deforestation. Summarize the information and present relevant facts, make comparisons where relevant v.1

The flowchart shows the impact of deforestation.
Violence is something contained in every media of our society, and this is why it has become so popular among us. In my opinion, this is absolutely true, but it is not the only fault of the communication technologies, rather a consequence of the behaviour of the rulers of the society. Firstly, it is impossible not to say that media like television, radio and internet play the main role about spreading the violence. Especially with the computers, to have access to this kind of information is not complicated. Besides, emulating violence and crimes and then post them on the social network seems to have become a kind of fashion in the last years. Due to the wideness of the web, these sources are able to travel all around the world, and they are difficult to be stopped. The television is another media that are able to promote violence. Lately there has been a lot of TV programme where hard scenes are not censured, so everyone can see them, even kids at any time of the day. Secondly, it is important to remember that the media are not the only interested in. For example, industries that product items related to the war, the battle, are also part of the phenomena. In fact, it is their interest to promote violence because it is for them a way to earn more and more. Of course, parents will not be worried about it because it is just a game, even if sometimes it is not true. It has been found out that a lot of crimes evolved exactly as they do in the games or in the films. In conclusion, the violence in the society is due partly to the violence contained in the media, that makes people think it is something normal, and, on the other side, it can be seen of a consequence of the negligence of the government on this subject.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
is something contained in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "medium"?
media
of our society, and this is why it has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular among us. In my opinion, this is
absolutely
true,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fault of the communication technologies,
rather
a consequence of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the rulers of the society.

Firstly
, it is impossible not to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like television, radio and internet play the main role about spreading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
.
Especially
with the computers, to have access to this kind of information is not complicated.
Besides
, emulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and crimes and then post them on the social network seems to have become a kind of fashion in the last years. Due to the wideness of the web, these sources are able to travel all around the world, and they are difficult to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
. The television is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that are able to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. Lately there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
scenes are not censured,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them, even kids at any time of the day.

Secondly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to remember that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interested in.
For example
, industries that product items related to the war, the battle, are
also
part of the phenomena. In fact, it is their interest to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is for them a way to earn more and more.
Of course
, parents will not
be worried
about it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a game, even if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is not true. It has
been found
out that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
crimes evolved exactly as they do in the games or in the films.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the society is due partly to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
contained in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is something normal, and, on the other side, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
of a consequence of the negligence of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
on this subject.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The flowchart shows the impact of deforestation.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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