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You are going to start a new business. Which of the following do you feel is most important to be successful: a) lots of money b) lots of friends c) lots of products.

You are going to start a new business. Which of the following do you feel is most important to be successful: a) lots of money b) lots of friends c) lots of products. G90ML
Starting a new business is always a complex task constructed by many steps and difficulties. Respectively, identifying which factor can affect most might look like a confusing challenge. In my opinion, it is critically important to have a large number of funds. I will explore the reasons why I feel this way in the following essay. First of all, not everyone graduated from business school and is a master of management. In almost all cases, it is impossible to create a prosperous business from scratch without advanced knowledge and a deep understanding of this field. Undoubtedly, professionals in their area will not be low-priced. My own experience demonstrates this reality. When I was in middle school, me and my classmates decided to sell cosmetics on Instagram. We spend all our money on products, however, we did not leave anything to hire someone who could tell us how to develop the profile and what prices to set. Eventually, very few people bought products and we were left in the red. Secondly, it's impossible to start a business without absolutely some kind of money. Nevertheless, if the desire is too great, a person will take out a big credit which is not always a reasonable decision. After all, life is unpredictable, and falling under the influence of harsh circumstances may leave you in debt. For instance, everybody knows how coronavirus absolutely destroyed all kinds of small businesses. News that hundreds of people are losing their jobs every day and even forced to live only with government allowance help was terrifying. From what has been analyzed above, I strongly believe that it is incredibly essential to have a lot of money before starting a business. This is because hiring the right employers will allow to progress occupation and avoid risky loans that remain in poverty.
Starting a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is always a complex task constructed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps and difficulties.
Respectively
, identifying which factor can affect most might look like a confusing challenge. In my opinion, it is
critically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
funds. I will explore the reasons why I feel this way in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, not everyone graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
school and is a master of management. In almost all cases, it is impossible to create a prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
from scratch without advanced knowledge and a deep understanding of this field.
Undoubtedly
, professionals in their area will not be low-priced. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience demonstrates this reality. When I was in middle school, me and my classmates decided to sell cosmetics on Instagram. We spend all our money on products,
however
, we did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
anything to hire someone who could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us how to develop the profile and what prices to set.
Eventually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
products and
we were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in the red.

Secondly
, it's impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
without
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of money.
Nevertheless
, if the desire is too great, a person will take out a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
credit which is not always a reasonable decision.
After all
, life is unpredictable, and falling under the influence of harsh circumstances may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
you in debt.
For instance
, everybody knows how coronavirus
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
all kinds of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. News that hundreds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are losing their jobs every day and even forced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allowance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
was terrifying.

From what has
been analyzed
above, I
strongly
believe that it is
incredibly
essential to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
hiring the right employers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Did you mean "progressing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to progress
occupation and avoid risky loans that remain in poverty.
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IELTS essay You are going to start a new business. Which of the following do you feel is most important to be successful: a) lots of money b) lots of friends c) lots of products.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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