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You Are Going To Another Country To Study. You Would Like To Do A Part-time Job |

You Are Going To Another Country To Study. You Would Like To Do A Part-time Job | e8qeO
How are you doing? Hope this letter finds you well. I am shifting to Australia for higher studies and would like your guidance regarding a part-time job. I’ll be coming to Melbourne next month to start my Masters course in Business at the Deakin University. It will be a four-trimester course which I intend to finish in 2 years. I would like to work part time while pursuing my studies so that I can get some work experience which will be beneficial for my career. In addition, if I work part time, I will get to learn about Australian work culture and network with people. This experience will be quite helpful to find a full time job after my course. You have been living in Australia for the last 10 years and I’m sure you will be having a lot of connections in the industry. Therefore, I think you will be a great mentor who could guide and help me in finding a job. I’d love to hear back from you and get some insights on the Australian job market. It’ll be great to catch up soon. Give my best to everyone in the family. Warm wishes, Niharika
How are you doing? Hope this letter finds you well. I am shifting to Australia for higher studies and would like your guidance regarding a part-time job.

I’ll be coming to Melbourne
next
month to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my Masters course in Business at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deakin
University. It will be a four-trimester course which I intend to finish in 2 years. I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
while pursuing my studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience which will be beneficial for my career.
In addition
, if I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn about Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture and network with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This experience will be quite helpful to find a full time job after my course.

You have been living in Australia for the last 10 years and I’m sure you will be having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
connections in the industry.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
you will be a great mentor who could guide and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me in finding a job. I’d
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to hear back from you and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
insights on the Australian job market. It’ll be great to catch up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Give my best to everyone in the family.

Warm wishes,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Niharika
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IELTS essay You Are Going To Another Country To Study. You Would Like To Do A Part-time Job |

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
197 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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