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You are going on a month training program to the UK and know that the head of the course would like one of the participants to be the social events organizer Write a letter to the Training Organizer In your letter express your interest in the role request v.1

You are going on a month training program to the UK and know that the head of the course would like one of the participants to be the social events organizer Write a letter to the Training Organizer In your letter express your interest in the role request v. 1
In recent days mobile has become an essential device for both adults and offsprings. Whether to give mobile phones to kids or not has become a debatable issue. While, some people argue that mobiles can have detrimental effects on children, others opine that giving mobiles to kids is essential. I personally believe that mobile phones can be a catalyst for positive growth in children provided that they use it in a honest way. In this essay we will discuss both the sides of this thought. On one hand, people who are against this, says that adolescents and teenagers who have access to mobile phones get distracted and the effect can be directly seen on their mental and physical health. There is plethora of mobile game applications, which can be really attractive and addictive to kids, hence, affecting their education and daily routine. Few teenagers get exposed to social media, and that exposure can result into an obsession for them to be seen in these media amongst their connectives. There have been many cases where people have misguided these youngsters by making fake profiles and provoking them to do something unethical. On the flip side, although there are many pitfalls of giving mobiles to kids. But, if parents intervene with the right usage of phones by kids by putting a parental control on such sites and giving awareness to kids for suitable usage of phones, it can be a boom in kid's mental growth. There are many educational games and search engines, especially designed for little ones, which can be enjoyable as well as they provide learning for the child. With mobiles, it has become easy for parents to real time track their kids, which was never possible without this device. A recent study by the child psychologist Department of New York states that children who have access to mobile phones and are able to use it in appropriate was tending to 40% smarter than those who do not have this connection. From my personal experience, the vocabulary of my son has tremendously increased as he is able to learn the meaning and synonyms of any new word that he notices anywhere at any time, because he has access to the internet through his mobile. To sum up, Although it can be really dangerous to give mobile phones to kids, if an offspring is misleading, but, a right usage with optimum parental control phones can be a blessing for both kids and parents.
In recent days mobile has become an essential device for both adults and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
. Whether to give mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
or not has become a debatable issue. While,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that mobiles can have detrimental effects on children, others opine that giving mobiles to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
is essential. I
personally
believe that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be a catalyst for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
growth in children provided that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
Consider replacing "in a honest way" with the adverb for "honest"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a honest way
. In this essay we will discuss both the sides of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

On one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are against this, says that adolescents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have access to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted and the effect can be
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on their mental and physical health. There is plethora of mobile game applications, which can be
really
attractive and addictive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
hence
, affecting their education and daily routine. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to social media, and that exposure can result into an obsession for them to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in these media amongst their connectives. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have misguided these youngsters by making fake profiles and provoking them to do something unethical.

On the flip side, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pitfalls of giving mobiles to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if parents intervene with the right usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
by putting a parental control on such sites and giving awareness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
for suitable usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, it can be a boom in kid's mental growth. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational games and search engines,
especially
designed for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones, which can be enjoyable
as well
as they provide learning for the child. With mobiles, it has become easy for parents to real time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, which was never possible without this device. A recent study by the child psychologist Department of New York states that children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have access to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in appropriate was tending to 40% smarter than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have this connection. From my personal experience, the vocabulary of my son has
tremendously
increased as he is able to learn the meaning and synonyms of any new word that he notices anywhere at any time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he has access to the internet through his mobile.

To sum up, Although it can be
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to give mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, if an offspring is misleading,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, a right usage with optimum parental control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be a blessing for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and parents.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You are going on a month training program to the UK and know that the head of the course would like one of the participants to be the social events organizer Write a letter to the Training Organizer In your letter express your interest in the role request v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
412 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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