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the street plans below show a residential area with a park and playground in 2016 and the proposed changes for 2025 to make it safer for families and children v.1

the street plans below show a residential area with a park and playground in 2016 and the proposed changes for 2025 to make it safer for families and children v. 1
There is no doubt that traffic and pollution from vehicles have become huge problems, both in cities and on motorways everywhere. Solving these problems is likely to need more than a simple rise in the price of petrol. While it is undeniable that private car use is one of the main causes of the increase in traffic and pollution, higher fuel costs are unlikely to limit the number of drivers for long. As this policy would also affect the cost of public transport, it would be very unpopular with everyone who needs to travel on the roads. But there are various other measures that could be implemented that would have a huge effect on these problems. I think to tackle the problem of pollution cleaner fuels need to be developed. The technology is already available to produce electric cars that would be both quieter and cleaner to use. Persuading manufactures and travellers to adopt this new technology would be a more effective strategy for improving air quality, especially in cities. However, traffic congestion will not be solved by changing the type of private vehicle people can use. To do this, we need to improve the choice of public transport services available to travellers. For example, if sufficient sky trains and underground train systems were built and effectively maintained in our major cities, then traffic on the roads would be dramatically reduced. Long-distance train and coach services should be made attractive and affordable alternatives to driving your own car for long journeys. In conclusion, I think that long-term traffic and pollution reductions would depend on educating the public to use public transport more, and on governments using public money to construct and run efficient systems.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
from vehicles have become huge problems, both in cities and on motorways everywhere. Solving these problems is likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more than a simple rise in the price of petrol.

While it is undeniable that private car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is one of the main causes of the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, higher fuel costs are unlikely to limit the number of drivers for long. As this policy would
also
affect the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unpopular with everyone who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to travel on the roads.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are various other measures that could
be implemented
that would have a huge effect on these problems.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to tackle the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
cleaner fuels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be developed
. The technology is already available to produce electric cars that would be both quieter and cleaner to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. Persuading manufactures and
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to adopt this new technology would be a more effective strategy for improving air quality,
especially
in cities.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion will not
be solved
by changing the type of private vehicle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. To do this, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport services available to
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.
For example
, if sufficient sky trains and underground train systems
were built
and
effectively
maintained in our major cities, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
on the roads would be
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. Long-distance train and coach services should
be made
attractive and affordable alternatives to driving your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
car for long journeys.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
reductions would depend on educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport more, and on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
money to construct and run efficient systems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the street plans below show a residential area with a park and playground in 2016 and the proposed changes for 2025 to make it safer for families and children v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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