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Writing task 2 , hand gliding and mountain climbing activities

Writing task 2, hand gliding and mountain climbing activities Edpyr
There is an evidently rising trend of people, partaking in challenging and dreadful activities like hand-gliding and mountain climbing. I think, this is a good trend until and unless people do not overdo it and also when done by taking all the safety precautions. in this essay I will enlist few reasons why they take part in these activities and will also support my view with examples. Firstly, to begin with the reasons for the growing popularity of these risk taking activties is the thrill and danger associated with as now-a-days life has become boring for so many people who does 9 to 5 jobs. It is indeed surprising how a life threatening activity can actually be that entertaining. Studies suggests that whenever, a person is stressed, these kind of exercises can realease boutsof adrenaline and this rush can relieve him from his stress and is can help in boosting up their performance in work. For instance, few years ago when I have given my final exams, I was so stressed about clearing the exam I landed up feeling anxious, that is when I decided to go for bungee jumping and it pumped down my anxiety levels. Therefore, as i stated earlier i do think its a good trend to undergo such tasks as long as we do it to only an extent. However, overdoing it can be extremely dreadful because it can cost lives of people and will leave their family members in grief. It is also very much necessary to follow the prerequisites which are preset for any activity. In conclusion, these extreme activities fuel up people with thrill and is a great stress management exercise. I do believe, it is a good trend that people are challenging their fear levels and trying to have fun, as long as necessary measures for safety have been taken.
There is an
evidently
rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, partaking in challenging and dreadful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like hand-gliding and mountain climbing. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
until and unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not overdo it and
also
when done by taking all the safety precautions.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
this essay I will enlist few reasons why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and will
also
support my view with examples.

Firstly
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the reasons for the growing popularity of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
taking
Possible spelling mistake found.
activties
is the thrill and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
associated with as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days life has become boring for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
does
9 to 5 jobs. It is
indeed
surprising how a life threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
can actually be that entertaining.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "study suggests".
Studies suggests
that whenever, a person is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of exercises can
Possible spelling mistake found.
realease
Possible spelling mistake found.
boutsof
adrenaline and this rush can relieve him from his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and is can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in boosting up their performance in work.
For instance
, few years ago when I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
my final exams, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
about clearing the exam I landed up feeling anxious,
that is
when I decided to go for bungee jumping and it pumped down my anxiety levels.

Therefore
, as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
stated earlier
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
to undergo such tasks as long as we do it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an extent.
However
, overdoing it can be
extremely
dreadful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their family members in grief. It is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much necessary to follow the prerequisites which are preset for any activity.

In conclusion
, these extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
fuel up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with thrill and is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
management exercise. I do believe, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are challenging their fear levels and trying to have fun, as long as necessary measures for safety have
been taken
.
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IELTS essay Writing task 2, hand gliding and mountain climbing activities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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