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There is no doubt that social media platforms play a crucial role in the growth of celebrities and often portray them in an unfair manner. While some believe that a person’s fame comes at the cost of intrusion into their personal life. personally, I think that the privacy of people should be respected whether they are famous or not. To begin with, sometimes it feels like, media houses try to harass these well recognized people for their own marketing. They should understand that, ultimately these people are also human beings and they need free time and privacy in their life, they must have the freedom to live, their own way. In addition, nobody likes to reveal their personal life to the general public as everyone wants some aloofness. For example, these people take a break in some random country to get rid of the paparazzi as they want peace. Thus, we can say that these famous people, should be given their own peace. On the opposite side, many people have an opinion that, they must know the happening in the life of these superstars, as it is entertaining as well as they can follow many things about them. This is because, many media people want to gain marketing and fame for their channels, and general people are interested in these personalities. For instance, everyone wants to know about Mr. Radan as he is one of the most famous people in Iran. Therefore, it is beneficial to both, the media and superstar as both get famous in the eyes of public. To conclude, it is true that, the public wants to know in and out of these celebrities, but I feel that, they are also humans and they should be given privacy to do their stuff.
There is no doubt that social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platforms play a crucial role in the growth of celebrities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
portray them
Consider replacing "in an unfair manner" with the adverb for "unfair"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unfair manner
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that a person’s fame
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
at the cost of intrusion into their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the privacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be respected
whether they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
or not.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it feels like,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
try to harass these well recognized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
marketing. They should understand that,
ultimately
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
human
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
beings and
they need free time and privacy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
In addition
, nobody likes to reveal their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to the
Consider using "public".
general public
as everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aloofness.
For example
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take a break in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
random country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the paparazzi as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
peace.
Thus
, we can say that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
peace.

On the opposite side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an opinion that, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know the happening in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of these superstars, as it is entertaining
as well
as they can follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things about them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to gain marketing and fame for their channels, and general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are interested
in these personalities.
For instance
, everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to know about Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Radan
as he is one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Iran.
Therefore
, it is beneficial to both, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and superstar as both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
in the eyes of public.

To conclude
, it is true that, the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to know in and out of these celebrities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I feel that, they are
also
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
humans and
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
privacy to do their stuff.
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IELTS essay Write to conference manager and get information

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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