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Some people says that zooz are not important in 21st century.Do u agree or disagree?

Some people says that zooz are not important in 21st century. Do u agree or disagree? L9n1r
Some people would argue that zooz have no importance in the present world. I disagree with this statement due to the fact that zooz play an vital role to conserve wildlife species and are a great source of edutainment. The foremost reason why still zooz carry a significance in modern world is that this perform an important role to protect wildlife species. In other words, some wild animals are facing extinction due to the fact that these are hunted by poachers and predators on the contrary in zooz, these species are safe. In addition, wild animals are able to get proper care such as fresh food and medical treatment which is provided by zooz. Take Bengal tiger for example, in 2014 the number of these animals was just 1400, which was soon going to extinct on the contrary thanks to Bengal zoo authority, which started special breeding and conservation programs and at present the number of Bengal tiger is double. Yet another reason why zooz are important is that these edutain people. This is to say that people can gain information about the animals origin and their extinction while visiting zooz. Furthermore, visitors especially children are able to view wild animals very very closely which develops their intimacy towards animals as well as children are also amused by animals' activities. For example, before visiting zoo, i had very limited knowledge about animals, on the contrary while visiting here, i got to know about the importance abd interesting facts of wild animals and i also enjoyed the close view of lions and tigers with my naked eyes. In conclusion, i strongly agree with this statement that zooz are very important for the protection of animals as well as for the edutainment of people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that
Possible spelling mistake found.
zooz
have no importance in the present world. I disagree with this statement due to the fact that
Possible spelling mistake found.
zooz
play
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
vital role to conserve wildlife species and are a great source of edutainment. The foremost reason why
still
Possible spelling mistake found.
zooz
carry a significance in modern world is that
The verb 'perform' is plural. Did you mean: "this performs"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this perform
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to protect wildlife species.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are facing extinction due to the fact that these
are hunted
by poachers and predators
on the contrary
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
zooz
, these species are safe.
In addition
, wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper care such as fresh food and medical treatment which
is provided
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
zooz
. Take Bengal tiger
for example
, in 2014 the number of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
1400, which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
going to extinct
on the contrary
thanks to Bengal zoo authority, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
special breeding and conservation programs and at present the number of Bengal tiger is double.
Yet
another reason why
Possible spelling mistake found.
zooz
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is that these
Possible spelling mistake found.
edutain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
origin and their extinction while visiting
Possible spelling mistake found.
zooz
.
Furthermore
, visitors
especially
children are able to view wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
closely
which develops their intimacy towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as well
as children are
also
amused by animals' activities.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
visiting zoo,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
,
on the contrary
while visiting here,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know about the importance
Possible spelling mistake found.
abd
interesting facts of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
also
enjoyed the close view of lions and tigers with my naked eyes.
In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
Possible spelling mistake found.
zooz
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as well
as for the edutainment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people says that zooz are not important in 21st century. Do u agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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