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Write the paragraph at least 150 words on negatives effects of online games on teenagers

Write the paragraph at least 150 words on negatives effects of online games on teenagers PEQOj
In this modern era, thanks to the proliferation of technology. Online games has gain popularity that becomes the first choice for adolescents when they can take a break. It is a tool to release stress and unwind after a hard-day study. Besides, this trend also brings some drawbacks. This essay will explain why it does more harm than good. Apprently, playing online games for a long time make people tired. It is harmful for eyes and brain when they people play games all day. Secondly, they will not have time to go out, play sports or take part in many social activities and so on. They can be addicted to the vitual world. As a result they neglect of study. Futhermore, it is also time-consuming. Lastly, some youngsters enjoy playing violent games that can make them out of control. Put differently, some of that games need to pay money. Truly when they could not pay for it, they may kill people to get money. Doubtlessly, online games can ruin people's lives through addiction. To put in simply, on the back of these reasons, in the long run, it seems to me that teenagers should not spend too much time on playing online games to roll back these consequences.
In this modern era, thanks to the proliferation of technology.
Online
games
has gain popularity that becomes the
first
choice for adolescents when they can take a break. It is a tool to release
stress
and unwind after a
hard
-day study.
Besides
, this trend
also
brings
some
drawbacks. This essay will
explain
why it does more harm than
good
.
Apprently
, playing
online
games
for a long time
make
people
tired. It is harmful for eyes and brain when they
people
play
games
all day.
Secondly
, they will not have time to go out, play sports or
take part
in
many
social activities and
so
on. They can
be addicted
to the
vitual
world.
As
a result they neglect of study.
Futhermore
, it is
also
time-consuming.
Lastly
,
some
youngsters enjoy playing violent
games
that can
make
them out of control. Put
differently
,
some
of that
games
need to pay money.
Truly
when they could not pay for it, they may kill
people
to
get
money.
Doubtlessly
,
online
games
can ruin
people
's
lives
through addiction. To put in
simply
, on the back of these reasons, in the long run, it seems to me that
teenagers
should not spend too much time on playing
online
games
to roll back these consequences.
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IELTS essay Write the paragraph at least 150 words on negatives effects of online games on teenagers

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
208 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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