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Why are people consuming more sugary drinks?

Why are people consuming more sugary drinks? VYoL6
People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks such as soft or energy drinks. I will discuss a number of reasons for this as well as several ways to encourage people to reduce their consumption of such drinks. There are two main reasons why sugar-based drinks are consumed in large amounts everyday. Firstly, such drinks provide extra energy, increase mental alertness and help consumers to maintain high concentration necessary for their work. Most modern jobs are becoming more and more demanding and require people to spend greater effort to succeed, consequently leading to the popularity of sugar-based drinks. Secondly, the increased consumption of sugar-based drinks is linked to consumers’ lack of awareness and knowledge of a healthy diet and lifestyle as well as the dominance of fast food in the food industry. That is why sedentary lifestyles and convenient but nutrient-poor meals which include sugar-based drinks like Coca-Cola or Pepsi are being favored by a large number of people. Although reducing the consumption of sugar-based drinks is a complex task, there are a few ways that could be done to discourage people from using those drinks regularly. One instance is to impose higher taxes on the production and distribution of sugar-based drinks, which inevitably increases their price. This may have an effect on the amount of such drinks being consumed. Another thing is that there should be more educational propagation campaigns that encourage people to follow healthy dietary guidelines and lifestyles and to refrain from using sugar-based drinks. In conclusion, the problem of people having more and more sugar-based drinks is caused by a number of factors as discussed in the essay. Increasing taxes on sugar-based drinks and running propagation campaigns to raise consumers’ awareness of their health are two feasible solutions to combat such problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are consuming more and more sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
such as soft or energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. I will discuss a number of reasons for this
as well
as several ways to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their consumption of such drinks.

There are two main reasons why sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
are consumed
in large amounts
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
Firstly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
provide extra energy, increase mental alertness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
consumers to maintain high concentration necessary for their work. Most modern jobs are becoming more and more demanding and require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend greater effort to succeed,
consequently
leading to the popularity of sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
Secondly
, the increased consumption of sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is linked
to consumers’ lack of awareness and knowledge of a healthy diet and lifestyle
as well
as the dominance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food in the food industry.
That is
why sedentary lifestyles and convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nutrient-poor meals which include sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
like Coca-Cola or Pepsi are
being favored
by
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Although reducing the consumption of sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is a complex task, there are a few ways that could
be done
to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from using those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
regularly
. One instance is to impose higher taxes on the production and distribution of sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, which
inevitably
increases their price. This may have an effect on the amount of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
being consumed
. Another thing is that there should be more educational propagation campaigns that encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow healthy dietary guidelines and lifestyles and to refrain from using sugar-based drinks.

In conclusion
, the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having more and more sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is caused
by a number of factors as discussed in the essay. Increasing taxes on sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
and running propagation campaigns to raise consumers’ awareness of their health are two feasible solutions to combat such problem.
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IELTS essay Why are people consuming more sugary drinks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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