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write an opinion essay. What are some of the benefits of modern technology for health care services?

write an opinion essay. What are some of the benefits of modern technology for health care services? 7aPGA
Nowadays, technology has improved and takes place in every part of our community. It affected the development of the industry. This essay will aim at the advantage of modern technologies in health care services. First of all, patient can take an appointment easily and meet their specialist. This means that busy people do not need to delay there works to meet the doctor. For example, a person can take an appointment using the hospital app without going there and meet the doctor by video call. This shows that technology improved health care by giving patient more comfort in adjusting their appointment. Secondly, storing health record data has allowed doctor to know about patient medical responsibility. In another word, this will improve the relationship with each other. For instance, patient who needs to check out with different doctors will be more comfortable, because he knows that doctor allowed to access their past medical record. Then, it displays the ease of workflow and less error inpatient data. Third, better equipment, treatments and medicine has allowed doctor to prepare overall care. That is, better treatment has helped people that suffer from illnesses. To illustrate, Technology has made it easier for physician to communicate and share information with each other. As such, allowed doctors to speed up in finding a certain medical secret. In conclusion, there is no wonder about the improvement in health care services caused by technology. It appears inpatient service, or in storing data health and in better treatments. Therefore, it is important to use technology to move forward quickly.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and takes place in every part of our community. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the development of the industry. This essay will aim at the advantage of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
services.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
can take an appointment
easily
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their specialist. This means that busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not need to delay there works to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
.
For example
, a person can take an appointment using the hospital app without going there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
by video call. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
more comfort in adjusting their appointment.

Secondly
, storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
record data has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
medical responsibility. In another word, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the relationship with each other.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
who needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
out with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
will be more comfortable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he knows that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to access their past medical record. Then, it displays the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of workflow and less error inpatient data.

Third, better equipment, treatments and medicine has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
to prepare
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
That is
, better treatment has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that suffer from illnesses. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has made it easier for physician to communicate and share information with each other. As such,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
speed up
in finding a certain medical secret.

In conclusion
, there is no wonder about the improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
services caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. It appears inpatient service, or in storing data
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and in better treatments.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward
quickly
.
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IELTS essay write an opinion essay. What are some of the benefits of modern technology for health care services?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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