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Write about your personal story which make make you very sad

Write about your personal story which make make you very sad 0ElNO
I'm Rashik. I belong to an average middle-class family. My father was a businessman. Currently, he is no more. He is the hero of my life. But unfortunately, sometimes I blame him because of our poor income. When he was alive we were financially able to buy our necessary things. But now we think thousand times before we wanna buy something. If we are sick we can't go to the doctor because of our limited income. It hurts more and more but we can nothing to do. The daily expenses of our life are increasing day by day but our limited income is not increasing. Now we think we spend our golden time in childhood.
I'm
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rashik
. I belong to an average middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family. My father was a businessman.
Currently
, he is no more. He is the hero of my life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I blame him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our poor income.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
he was alive we were
financially
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
our necessary things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we
The word 'wanna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
wanna
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we are sick we can't go to the doctor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of our limited income. It hurts more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
The word 'nothing' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can nothing
to do.

The daily expenses of our life are increasing day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our limited income is not increasing.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we spend our golden time in childhood.

IELTS essay Write about your personal story which make make you very sad

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
115 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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