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businesses should have drastic and stronger movements in social and environmental improvement in the future

businesses should have drastic and stronger movements in social and environmental improvement in the future YwRBB
In 2021, the world is flat and everything is connected in a way that never happened before. As such, to survive and develop in this world, you need to be transparent, interact and support people around you. In particular, businesses should have drastic and stronger movements in social and environmental improvement. Because they can not hide what theirs doing, and be put into an open society and public magistrate due to the proliferation of the internet. Especially, in the course of a series of disasters such as the Covid- pandemic, sea-level rise, serve weather, etc. People will make a question that what roles of businesses in this situation or whether they can do something to improve these issues. And if there is a company that speaks out and reaches this hot balloon first. They press the “start” button then the others must do the same or even better if they don’t want to be a “stepchild” in the customer’s eyes. You couldn’t do what you doing forever, you need to aim for sustainable products, sustainable marketing not only brings value to present customers but the customers in the future too. For instance, since a ban on animal fur was decided by the British Fashion Council in 2018, there are more and more brands in the world announced that they will end the use of fur in their products.
In 2021, the world is flat and everything
is connected
in a way that never happened
before
. As such, to survive and develop in this world, you need to be transparent, interact and support
people
around you.
In particular
, businesses should have drastic and stronger movements in social and environmental improvement.
Because
they can not
hide
what theirs doing, and
be put
into an open society and public magistrate due to the proliferation of the internet.
Especially
, in the course of a series of disasters such as the
Covid
- pandemic, sea-level rise, serve weather, etc.
People
will
make
a question that what roles of businesses in this situation or whether they can do something to
improve
these issues. And if there is a
company
that speaks out and reaches this hot balloon
first
. They press the “
start
” button then the others
must
do the same or even better if they don’t want to be a “stepchild” in the customer’s eyes. You couldn’t do what
you doing
forever, you need to aim for sustainable products, sustainable marketing not
only
brings value to present customers
but
the customers in the future too.
For instance
, since a ban on animal fur
was decided
by the British Fashion Council in 2018, there are more and more brands in the world announced that they will
end
the
use
of fur in their products.
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IELTS essay businesses should have drastic and stronger movements in social and environmental improvement in the future

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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