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Write about your Personal statement on education and experience

Write about your Personal statement on education and experience NmJJW
This is Shaik Abdul Jabbar, a chap of Bachelor of Commerce, at Nava Chaitanya Degree College. Having completed my Graduation, I am going to fulfill my dream of pursuing higher studies in one of the finest colleges in Canada. As a man of perfection I have scored a decent score in my graduation with 80 % aggregate in the year 2019. Having been interested in Business, I have thought of taking up Masters in Business, which I feel very much interesting to take up. Along with my studies I’ve also done a lot of Non – Technical activities like Graphic designing, video editor. And also the Technical activities like programming in C-Language, OOPS, Networking, Java, Sales force. In this Globalized world, the skill to bind the people together is the management skill, which will play a vital role for obtaining a successful path. I have a firm belief that strategies will also play an important role in one’s business world. For instance I have one achievement from my graduation days that I played an important role in strategizing the play of Cricket. I beautifully strategized and we have also won the game in an efficient manner. After that achievement, I had a belief that in order to achieve something, strategies play an important role. And as a matter of fact education in Canada always played a key role in global development of students. I want to shine as a chief manager of a firm, not only nationally but also in international markets to expand the firm worldwide while maintaining successful existing operations. An MBA will give me the first hand skills and knowledge from industry professionals that will set the foundation for managerial skills. I have a strong determination that one day I would be a successful Business man, establishing a tremendous career path in my life. But, I believe that would only be possible with obtaining the quality studies from the finest Universities in the world. I believe that people who pursued higher studies were the most successful and the satisfied people in their lives. I believe that higher studies will truly cheer up the destiny of once getting successful in life.
This is
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Shaik
Abdul
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Jabbar
, a chap of Bachelor of Commerce, at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nava
Chaitanya

Degree College. Having completed my Graduation, I am going to fulfill my
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dream


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of
pursuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
in one of the finest colleges in Canada. As a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


perfection I have scored a decent score in my graduation with 80 % aggregate in

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
year 2019. Having
been interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of taking
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
up


Masters in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
, which I feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much interesting to take up. Along with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
my


studies I’ve
also
done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Non
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Technical activities like Graphic designing,

video editor. And
also
the Technical activities like programming in C-Language,

OOPS, Networking, Java, Sales force.

In this Globalized world, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to bind the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
together is the management

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
skill
, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
for obtaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
path. I have a firm
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
belief


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
strategies will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
world. For

instance I have one achievement from my graduation days that I played an

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in strategizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
of Cricket. I
beautifully
strategized and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
we


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
have
also
won the game
Consider replacing "in an efficient manner" with the adverb for "efficient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficient manner
. After that achievement, I had
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
a


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
belief
that in order to achieve something, strategies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
. And

as a matter of fact education in Canada always played a key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in global

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
development
of students. I want to shine as a chief manager of a firm, not
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
only


nationally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in international markets to expand the firm worldwide while

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
existing operations. An MBA will give me the
first
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
hand


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge from industry professionals that will set the foundation for

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
managerial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

I have a strong determination that one day I would be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
,

establishing a tremendous career path in my life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I believe that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be

possible with obtaining the quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
from the finest Universities in the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
world
. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who pursued higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
were the most
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
successful


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
the satisfied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I believe that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
will
truly
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
cheer


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
up
the destiny of once getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in life.
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IELTS essay Write about your Personal statement on education and experience

Essay
  American English
27 paragraphs
363 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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