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Write about your 20th birthday party.

Write about your 20th birthday party. L3NN3
How are you these days? I am so excited to receive your letter. As you asked for, I will tell you about my 20th birthday party. It was celebrated 3 months ago at a coffee shop. Two days before my birthday, I and my friends who were named Lily and May went to the coffee shop. It is our favorite place so we decided to rent it in the evening for my birthday party. After being approved, we started to buy some decorations like: balloons, stickers and string lights, . . . and I pre-ordered food and drinks for my birthday party. When my birthday came, all of my friends attended and we spent all that evening dancing, singing and talking together. They gave me a lot of gifts. There was an unforgettable gift from Lily and May. They gave me a ticket to a concert of my favorite artist and because that concert was held abroad, they prepared a flight ticket for me, too. That surprised me and I was on cloud nine. That's all about my 20th birthday party. It was really the best birthday party I have ever had. I wish you had attended my birthday party. I miss you a lot. Please write back to me soon.
How are you these days? I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited to receive your letter. As you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you about my 20th birthday party.

It
was celebrated
3 months ago at a coffee shop. Two days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my birthday, I and my friends who
were named
Lily and May went to the coffee shop. It is our favorite place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we decided to rent it in the evening for my birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
. After
being approved
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decorations like: balloons, stickers and string lights
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
I
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "pre-order"?
pre-ordered
food and drinks for my birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
. When my birthday came, all of my friends
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attended and
we spent all that evening dancing, singing and talking together. They gave me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
gifts. There was an unforgettable gift from Lily and May. They gave me a ticket to a concert of my favorite artist and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that concert
was held
abroad, they prepared a flight ticket for me, too. That surprised me and I was on cloud nine.

That's all about my 20th birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
. It was
really
the best birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
I have ever had.

I wish you had attended my birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
. I miss you a lot.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
write back to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
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IELTS essay Write about your 20th birthday party.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
211 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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