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Write about the usage, advantage, disadvantages of telephone?

Write about the usage, advantage, disadvantages of telephone? PR3RX
Telephone is an important invention of the modern generation. Even, the inventor Graham Bell may not realized that it might be useful this much to the world. As we known that any important invention have it's own advantage and disadvantages, telephone too is not an exception on that. But overall, it is a great invention and helps people to communicate all over the world. In olden days, we used the telephones only for communication of messages between people. But later the invention of wireless cell phone, which is advanced version of telephone are started to use the network coverage through tower signals. Due to the spectrum waves used by towers to transmit the signals between wireless cell phones, the health issues are faced by humans, animals and birds is a disadvantage. We should always consider the advantages more over the disadvantages on any invention. The mobile cell phones are used by all generations to communicate, entertainment, bookings, socialize and etc. , Also it helps the people of world to work in an efficient and faster way. The researchers are proved by their thesis papers, that the cell phone usage improved the productivity of humans. As we analyzed above with all the details, we can conclude that the telephone is an important invention. It actually changes the mode of communication between the people all over the world in faster and better way. Finally thanks to the great inventor, Graham Bell.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Telephone
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
invention of the modern generation. Even, the inventor Graham Bell may not
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "realize"
realized
that it might be useful this much to the world. As we
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "knew"?
known
that any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
invention have
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantage and disadvantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
too is not an exception on that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
overall
, it is a great invention and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate all over the world.

In olden days, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for communication of messages between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
later the invention of wireless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, which
is advanced
version of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the network coverage through tower signals. Due to the spectrum waves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by towers to transmit the signals between wireless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, the health issues
are faced
by humans, animals and birds is a disadvantage.

We should always consider the advantages more over the disadvantages on any invention. The mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by all generations to communicate, entertainment, bookings, socialize
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
Also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of world to work in an efficient and faster way. The researchers
are proved
by their thesis papers, that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the productivity of humans.

As we analyzed above with all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, we can conclude that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
invention. It actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the mode of communication between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world in faster and better way.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
thanks to the great inventor, Graham Bell.
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IELTS essay Write about the usage, advantage, disadvantages of telephone?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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