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write a paragraph with the title The Importance of Music

write a paragraph with the title The Importance of Music YkmEn
We are living in the 4. 0 era, an era in which the world develops with the appearance of many modern technical technologies that have never existed before. More and more forms of entertainment are born, however, music has always played an indispensable and essential role in our lives from time immemorial. First of all, music has been one of the main sources of entertainment since ancient times. During the earlier times, when there were no televisions, internet connections, video games, or any other way to keep oneself entertained, music helped people to combat boredom. Nowadays, people listen to music at parties, nightclubs, and weddings to dance and enjoy themselves. They listen using streaming services like YouTube, Apple Music, and Spotify to relax throughout the day. Simultaneously, music calms our mind, it can help to get rid of negative thoughts and emotions. During the day, we have to face a number of situations that increase our stress levels. Small things such as being yelled at, having a disagreement, or even watching a video on social media can cause stress. Music helps us unwind, it makes us forget these unnecessary things, on the contrary, it can keep our mind occupied the whole day. You should put on your favorite song or play an instrument of your choice whenever you feel low. It can instantly boost the mood. It gives you relief and allows you to relieve stress. Music is a wonderful therapy that will make you calm down, and in a moment of joy, it refreshes you. Furthermore, music has the ability to unite and connect people of all ages and cultural backgrounds. Music is called a universal language because it knows no boundaries. It flows freely beyond the barriers of language, religion, country, . . . . Anyone can enjoy music no matter their age. The Live Aid performances, which were televised to a worldwide audience in the 1980s, are perhaps the finest illustration of this. There were two live events were held simultaneously in the UK and the US, with the goal of raising funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of people around the world who watched them and the impact they had on the international public awareness of the famine. Although it is true that a song’s lyrics may be incomprehensible owing to the language barrier, its melody is linguistically neutral. In fact, to feel the melody of a song, listeners do not need to fully understand the language in which the song is written. For example, a Vietnamese may fall in love with a Korean pop song or a Japanese person may shed tears when listening to a gloomy piece of music written by an American musician. This is clear evidence that music is a universal language that overtakes all cultural boundaries. Last but not least, music is not only a source of entertainment but also an amazing healing power. Doctors around the world have begun to include music therapy as part of various medical treatments because it helps in a speedy recovery. Patients listen to music as a part of their treatment. They also compose music, play different musical instruments, write lyrics, dance, and chant. Music is a really great way to improve the quality of life. In short, it can be said with certainty that music is an important part of everyone's life.
We are living in the 4. 0
Possible agreement error. The noun 'era' seems to be countable, so consider using: "eras".
era
, an era in which the world develops with the appearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern technical technologies that have never existed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. More and more forms of entertainment
are born
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has always played an indispensable and essential role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
from time immemorial.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has been one of the main sources of entertainment since ancient times. During the earlier times, when there were no televisions, internet connections, video games, or any other way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
oneself entertained,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to combat boredom. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at parties, nightclubs, and weddings to dance and enjoy themselves. They listen using streaming services like YouTube, Apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
, and Spotify to relax throughout the day.
Simultaneously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
calms our mind, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts and emotions. During the day, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face a number of situations that increase our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Small
things such as
being yelled
at, having a disagreement, or even watching a video on social media can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us unwind, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us forget these unnecessary things,
on the contrary
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our mind occupied the whole day. You should put on your favorite song or play an instrument of your choice whenever you feel low. It can
instantly
boost the mood. It gives you relief and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a wonderful therapy that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you calm down, and in a moment of joy, it refreshes you.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has the ability to unite and connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages and cultural backgrounds.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is called
a universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it knows no boundaries. It flows
freely
beyond the barriers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
, religion, country
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Anyone can enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
no matter their age. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Live
Aid performances, which
were televised
to a worldwide audience in the 1980s, are perhaps the finest illustration of this. There were two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
were held
simultaneously
in the UK and the US, with the goal of raising funds for famine relief in Ethiopia. The concerts were a huge success, both in terms of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
them and the impact they had on the international public awareness of the famine. Although it is true that a song’s lyrics may be incomprehensible owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier, its melody is
linguistically
neutral. In fact, to feel the melody of a song, listeners do not need to
fully
understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in which the song
is written
.
For example
, a Vietnamese may fall in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with a Korean pop song or a Japanese person may shed tears when listening to a gloomy piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
written by an American musician. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
that overtakes all cultural boundaries. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a source of entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an amazing healing power. Doctors around the world have begun to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
therapy as part of various medical treatments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in a speedy recovery. Patients listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a part of their treatment. They
also
compose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
musical instruments, write lyrics, dance, and chant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a
really
great way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life. In short, it can
be said
with certainty that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of everyone's life.
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IELTS essay write a paragraph with the title The Importance of Music

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
570 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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