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Watching TV is harmful for the health

Watching TV is harmful for the health m851n
We all know that one of common activities is watching TV Everyone: both the adults and children love watching TV. But there are some negative effects. I completely agree with this statement because of two reasons. To begin with, many people are deeply rooted with spending time by watching TV which is disadvantageous for both mental and physical health. Scientific research has shown that this structure of eyesight among human beings connected with detrimental effects by TV. Further more watching TV can leads to obesity. On average, children in the US with 76 hours a week. Also the adults of not only this country, but also other countries with TV a lot too. As to why they become fatter and fatter. Conclusion. I hope that our children will watch TV less and read books more. Also I would like that the adults will watch TV less too. I believe that patents will recreate children with other activities such as chess, football, basketball and other useful activities for health.
We all know that one of common activities is watching TV Everyone: both the adults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
watching TV.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
deeply
rooted with spending time by watching TV which is disadvantageous for both mental and physical health. Scientific research has shown that this structure of eyesight among human beings connected with detrimental effects by TV.
Further
more watching TV can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to obesity. On average,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the US with 76 hours a week.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the adults of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
other countries with TV a lot too. As to why they become fatter and fatter. Conclusion. I hope that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV less and read books more.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
I would like that the adults will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV less too. I believe that patents will recreate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with other activities such as chess, football, basketball and other useful activities for health.

IELTS essay Watching TV is harmful for the health

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
168 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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