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Write a paragraph to talk about a peoplewho you admire

Write a paragraph to talk about a peoplewho you admire m91jL
Today, I would like to tell you about Emma Watson who is my favorite actress. Her career started when she was only 10 years old. The first movie she acted in was Harry Potter. She played Hermione Granger with Daniel Radcliffe played Harry Potter and Rupert Grint played Ron Weasley. With Hermione Granger character in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, she was nominated for 5 awards for her performance. Despite her success after Harry Potter, she still decided to focus on her studies. She enrolled at Brown University to study English Literature. She graduated with bachelor's degree in 2014 and decided to keep up her acting career. One of the movie she appeared after Harry Potter was Beauty and the Beast (a Disney live-action remake) WHICH was praised by critics and audiences. She also has became an impactful activist in her fight for women's rights and gender equality. She has beauty, intelligence, confidence and a successful career. That's why I really admire her and I really wanna succeed like her but definitely by my own way.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you about Emma Watson who is my favorite actress. Her career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
when she was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. The
first
movie she acted in was Harry Potter. She played Hermione Granger with Daniel Radcliffe played Harry Potter and Rupert
Possible spelling mistake found.
Grint
played Ron Weasley. With Hermione Granger character in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, she
was nominated
for 5 awards for her performance. Despite her success after Harry Potter, she
still
decided to focus on her studies.
The usual collocation for "enrolled" is "in" (a school) or "for" (a course). Did you mean "She enrolled in" or "She enrolled for"?
She enrolled at
Brown University to study English Literature. She graduated with bachelor's degree in 2014 and decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up her acting career. One of the movie she appeared after Harry Potter was Beauty and the Beast (a Disney
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
-action remake) WHICH
was praised
by critics and audiences. She
also
has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
an impactful activist in her fight for women's rights and gender equality. She has beauty, intelligence, confidence and a successful career. That's why I
really
admire her and I
really
The word 'wanna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
wanna
succeed like her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
definitely by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
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IELTS essay Write a paragraph to talk about a peoplewho you admire

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
177 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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