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many younger do not spend with older generation but are the reasons behind this ?

many younger do not spend with older generation but are the reasons behind this? PEVDE
In this contamporary era, older ones are being overlooked by their offsprings, as they do not spend their quality time with their grandparents. There are some unfamiliar outcomes of this issue, which will be described in forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the first and formost conclusion of this phenomenon is lack of moral and ethical vaulues, as it is a fact that old people are much more experienced and well-know in their surroundings. If there grandchildren spend some time with them, then one can get opportunity to inherit qualities such as social values, knowledge about culture and moral responsibilities from grandparents. But these qualities may remain untaught and untouched to grandchildren, if they are ignored at certain extent. In addition to this not only it makes them irresponsible and unknown about society but also they can loose the occasion of learning other features like respecting, loving others and interacting with society. Furthermore, what is another shortcoming leading by this phenomenon? The second prime poor influence is on there health and well-being. In this hactic world, grandparent’s juveniles do not have enough time to take care off their parents, as their children are busy in their own chores and jobs, so only source remaining for their nurturing are their grandchildren. additionally, grandparents require extra time for their care and nurture in their old ages, thus if they are overlooked by their only wellspring then they would have high chances pf being caught by chronic illness, which result to death prior their time. In compendium, although old people seems to be aged and feeble, they have great knowledge to teach ample of qualities to their young ones such as responsiblity, moral and ethical values and respecting others, so they should not be ignored and grandchildren should spend their time with them.
In this
Possible spelling mistake found.
contamporary
era, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are
being overlooked
by their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
, as they do not spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unfamiliar outcomes of this issue, which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in forthcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, the
first
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
formost
conclusion of this phenomenon is lack of moral and ethical
Possible spelling mistake found.
vaulues
, as it is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are much more experienced and well-know in their surroundings. If
Please check whether a verb is missing here or whether 'there' should be 'their'.
there grandchildren
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them, then one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunity to inherit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
such as social values, knowledge about culture and moral responsibilities from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
may remain untaught and untouched to grandchildren, if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
at certain extent.
In addition
to this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them irresponsible and unknown about society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
the occasion of learning other features like respecting, loving others and interacting with society.

Furthermore
, what is another shortcoming leading by this phenomenon? The second prime poor influence is on there health and well-being. In this
Possible spelling mistake found.
hactic
world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparent’s
juveniles do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take care off their parents, as their children are busy in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
chores and jobs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source remaining for their nurturing are their grandchildren.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
require extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their care and nurture in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ages,
thus
if they
are overlooked
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wellspring then they would have high chances pf
being caught
by chronic illness, which result to death prior their time.

In compendium, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
seems
to
be aged
and feeble, they have great knowledge to teach ample of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
to their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
, moral and ethical values and respecting others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and grandchildren should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them.
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IELTS essay many younger do not spend with older generation but are the reasons behind this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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