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Would you rather your school spend money on social events and facilities or on improving cafeteria menus? Use specific examples to support your answer.

Would you rather your school spend money on social events and facilities or on improving cafeteria menus? Use specific examples to support your answer. e5wPJ
It is a controversial topic that whether the school should spend more money on social event or cafeteria menus. Some hold the opinion that schools should spend more on social activities and recreational facilities, because it is a effective way to get more students involved in extra-curricular events, which can expand their knowledge and minds. However, in my opinion, it is our cafeteria menus that ought to be taken as higher priority. First of all, placing more funds on school cafeteria serves as a efficient method in attracting more students to eat at school. The food in my school is actu. . .
It is a controversial topic that whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should spend more money on social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
or cafeteria menus.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should spend more on social activities and recreational facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more students involved in extra-curricular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which can expand their knowledge and minds.
However
, in my opinion, it is our cafeteria menus that ought to
be taken
as higher priority.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, placing more funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
cafeteria serves as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
efficient method in attracting more students to eat at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The food in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
actu
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay Would you rather your school spend money on social events and facilities or on improving cafeteria menus? Use specific examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
103 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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